Can't wait for the essay.
I don't even know if I have the energy. I'm so disappointed after all the praise this line has gotten.
I opened him up and he just kind of exploded in my hands (prior to trying to do anything with him). His upper torso was completely disconnected from his lower torso in the package, so he split in half when I took him out. That would not go back together securely at the time, so I set it aside to figure out and figured I'd at least try all the joints first. Arms were all completely frozen. Moving the head AT ALL causes the neck to pop right out of the upper torso and actually ripped off the glued down 'collar' piece with it.
And the ankle rocker on his left side is so loose that if you hold the foot, even just the weight of the disembodied legs causes the legs to flop over.
I heated everything up to try to pop it all together better - assuming it just wasn't done very well at the factory. In trying to force the torso pieces together, his belt buckle flew off (I did not lose it) AND, even seated in there, the torso will basically blow apart if I try to use the articulation more than a few degrees, if that.
Same for the head - almost any use of the head articulation causes the neck to just... fall out of the torso.
Like.. it's just a really fucking shitty toy. It's together on the shelf now and it looks fantastic. But I basically never want to even touch the stupid fucking thing ever again and that is just so massively disappointing.