G.I. Joe Head Canon & Fanfic Filecards

I love the idea that Steeler started getting progressively more ridiculous with this until he was making his tea in a martini shaker whenever Hawk is nearby, and even Steeler kind of hates it but, you know, can't stop now because then Hawk's snobby bullshit wins.
Every time they have a meeting together Hawk is like "what now" as Steeler continually escalates the situation. He shows up with one of those cream foamers for lattes one day and loudly drills his coffee for ten minutes while Hawk is talking.
 
Hawk turns the corner, eyes closed for just a moment before almost timidly walking into the conference room with a deep breath, eyes opening to search the room.
Steeler looks up from the back corner as he slowly turns on the free-standing cement mixer....
 
This s whole thing is so stupid in that it makes me want goddamned Steeler, but I don't actually want Steeler. Such an 80s kid.
 
No, I don't.
If Hasbro wanted me to own a Hawk, they'd make the Talking Battle Commanders one. Since they haven't done so, they obviously do not wish me to own a Hawk action figure and I am happy to oblige them.
 
Code Name: Steeler (Disavowed)
File Name: Pulaski, Ralph W.
Primary Military Specialty: Armor
Secondary Military Specialty: Artillery Transportation
Birthplace: Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Rank: E-5

Subject was on-base at the time the GI Joe Unit was dissolved and was one of several Joes who helped calm and subdue team members who showed signs of anger and violence. Lewis operatives on-site mentioned afterward, however, that eye contact with Pulaski during the incident was more alarming than actual displays of rage or aggression by his colleagues; according to one agent, "it was the face of a man promising revenge later." Pulaski returned to Pittsburgh where he worked as a heavy equipment operator for a local construction company and, surveillance discovered, engaged in underground bare-knuckle boxing matches in the evening. The latter activity was something Pulaski appeared to keep from all of his day to day associates, as if living a dual life. Approximately ninety days after returning to civilian life, Pulaski disappeared. The agent assigned to him was found bound, gagged, and disrobed in the trunk of his own car. Pulaski had drawn a cartoon of Cobra Commander on the man's backside.

"We really didn't know what Steeler would do when we were all disavowed. I mean, we never really knew what Steeler was going to do on a day to day basis anyway. He told Short Fuze he was going to give up soldiering and go to clown college on the way out. Anyway, he dropped off the radar for a bit, wasn't talking to any of us, and then one day he just shows up at our bolt hole in New Yorik, just knocks on the front door like he's stopping by to watch the game. He's got a bunch of stolen gear, is driving a stolen Cobra Stinger he's painted candy apple red and has a complete tea set made of fine China. 'I heard this is where the traitors hang out,' he says. 'Hawk around? I was hoping to join him for tea time." I haven't seen Hawk laugh since the inauguration but one time, and that was when Steeler broke out a 'tea spoon' shaped like a gag gift back scratcher...'
 
I don't know why, so don't ask, but that might be my favorite so far among the characters that I otherwise did not care about.

Edit: Also, I just love this kind of almost supernatural 'found family' element in the bios where the Joes can basically always find each other.
 
I don't know why, so don't ask, but that might be my favorite so far among the characters that I otherwise did not care about.

Edit: Also, I just love this kind of almost supernatural 'found family' element in the bios where the Joes can basically always find each other.
You're right, it's a really beautiful element.
 
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