G.I. Joe Head Canon & Fanfic Filecards

[Damien]

You're right, it's a really beautiful element.

It's such a good mix of, like I said, almost supernatural 'they just can,' with the ultra-military badassness of 'because they're even better at this than you thought when you thought they were the best.'

 

[Ru1977]

Yeah, it just adds such a great layer to already lovable characters.

This. Needs. To be a series!

 

[docsilence]

As requested!

Code Name: Headman
File Name: Head, Richard (alias)
Primary Military Specialty: Smuggler
Secondary Military Specialty: Thief
Birthplace: Kansas City, Missouri
Rank: N/A

Subject lobbied relentlessly for a place in the Lewis administration, but according to an internal statement from Tomax Paoli, "simply put, the length of his rap sheet, the depths of his depravity, and the lack of any and all deniability of his crimes would require us to create a new identity from whole cloth in order to enable him to work for us in an official capacity." This did not mean that Headman was not useful to the administration. Where Copperhead had been extremely useful in smuggling operations along the Gulf coast, Headman had expensive criminal contacts across flyover country and on the West Coast, enabling off-the-books drug and gun smuggling to stretch across the entire country. With his activities sanctioned and protected by the administration, Headman has been pivotal in expanding the black market financial reach of Lewis and his supporters.

"An unpleasant man who excels at unpleasant things. The Lewis administration loves to pretend they're all above-board and as patriotic as apple pie, but the truth is, they are using their power and influence to set up the kind of cancerous criminal network throughout the U.S. that will take decades to weed out. Headman is a big part of that. He's moving drugs - both the usual kind and the special stuff cooked up by Mindbender - across the country and over both the Mexican and Canadian borders. A lot of his men are Cobra - claiming to be ex-Cobra, of course, but a snake shedding its skin is still a snake when it slithers out the other side. Imagine a drug kingpin who thinks he's Scarface with an army of highly trained mercenaries under orders by the president himself to follow his orders. That's what we're dealing with and that's why we have to take him down."

 

[docsilence]

I figured out why the Hawk/Steeler/tea stirring thing isn't as well known - it was in the Order of Battle comics where they reprinted all their bios, not on his toy's card! Most of the cards in there are word for word but Order of Battle actually has an interview from Steeler's psyche evaluation.

I don't know why, so don't ask, but that might be my favorite so far among the characters that I otherwise did not care about.

Edit: Also, I just love this kind of almost supernatural 'found family' element in the bios where the Joes can basically always find each other.

I think the latter is sort of the aspirational part of this - we want these guys to be the best of us and so of course when the shit hits the fan, they'll always find each other. It's like gravity.

This. Needs. To be a series!

Your keyboard to god's ears, sir. Although I figured something out as I was writing these, about why I'm tempted to keep it in file cards - part of the joy of the toys was ONLY having the file card and the rest was up to our own imaginations. I kinda want to recreate that a bit fo rus as adults here.

 

[Damien]

and a patriotic as apple

and 'as' patriotic, I'm assuming. If you care about a minor typo.


Love it. The idea of an actual drug kingpin directly under Lewis adds that nice extra layer of sleaze to the entire administration. And I LOVE how this dovetails in with Mindbender by throwing in that line about also smuggling Mindbender's drugs.

 

[Ru1977]

Headman was far better than I originally thought the character had a right to!

Scarface

I know what you're saying, but for a moment, my ears pricked up.

I figured out why the Hawk/Steeler/tea stirring thing isn't as well known - it was in the Order of Battle comics where they reprinted all their bios, not on his toy's card! Most of the cards in there are word for word but Order of Battle actually has an interview from Steeler's psyche evaluation.

Ha!!!!! That is so awesome.

I think the latter is sort of the aspirational part of this - we want these guys to be the best of us and so of course when the shit hits the fan, they'll always find each other. It's like gravity.

Absolutely, and it's also really heartwarming. They're connected, both in focus and emotionally. And the tea thing is part of that. Hawk gives him shit, and Steeler plays it up, but when it comes down to it, they're all unquestionably loyal.

Your keyboard to god's ears, sir. Although I figured something out as I was writing these, about why I'm tempted to keep it in file cards - part of the joy of the toys was ONLY having the file card and the rest was up to our own imaginations. I kinda want to recreate that a bit fo rus as adults here.

I've realized the same thing. All these files you're doing are ALL really awesome starts to something. And yeah, if you were writing these to put on the backs of toy packaging, the way to finish them would be on the carpeted battleground of countless kids' rooms all over the place.

Now though, we're big boys and we need our second acts!!!!

 

[docsilence]

Appreciate the typo catch. I write these in a text file, then drop them into Word to catch typos, then drop them in here, so "spelled right, wrong word" typos still get by me.

I cannot believe you all talked me into writing up Headman before ZARTAN.

I know what you're saying, but for a moment, my ears pricked up.

Forgot that name has a secondary meaning in this universe!

Absolutely, and it's also really heartwarming. They're connected, both in focus and emotionally. And the tea thing is part of that. Hawk gives him shit, and Steeler plays it up, but when it comes down to it, they're all unquestionably loyal.

Now I need to write a scene where Hawk thinks Steeler is mortally wounded, Steeler grabs Hawk's hand, bleeding out, and says "General, promise me... promise you'll do one last thing for me"
"Anything son, anything you need."
"Can you make sure... they bury me with... my lucky tea spoon" and he presses a spatula into Hawk's hand.

 

[Justice]

I really loved Steeler's. Makes me care way more about him as a character now, knowing he drew CoCo on someone's ass

 

[docsilence]

I really loved Steeler's. Makes me care way more about him as a character now, knowing he drew CoCo on someone's ass

I don't even know what inspired that - I think the way his file card in Order of Battle makes him seem just MILDLY insane I was like yeah, he'd draw CoCo on someone's but cheek, that's something he'd do.

 

[Damien]

I cannot believe you all talked me into writing up Headman before ZARTAN.

Don't pretend their stories aren't going to have to be somehow linked now.

 

[docsilence]

Don't pretend their stories aren't going to have to be somehow linked now.

Honestly, the two I'm dragging my feet on because I want to make sure they're bangers are Zartan and Storm Shadow. I want them to be game changers if I can pull it off so I'm riding the break a bit on those boys.

 

[Ru1977]

Steeler grabs Hawk's hand

It's funny because as I read that, I put myself in Hawk's place and felt horribly emotionally polarized. I don't want the last thing my buddy to hear before he dies be the words, "You fuckin' prick".

 

[Damien]

Honestly, the two I'm dragging my feet on because I want to make sure they're bangers are Zartan and Storm Shadow. I want them to be game changers if I can pull it off so I'm riding the break a bit on those boys.

Don't overthink it. Turn off your targeting computer, Luke. Aim with the Force.

 

[Ru1977]

Honestly, the two I'm dragging my feet on because I want to make sure they're bangers are Zartan and Storm Shadow. I want them to be game changers if I can pull it off so I'm riding the break a bit on those boys.

I suspected as much. Zartan in particular seems like a favorite since you've referenced him and I know (without the benefit of you telling me, but I have a STRONG suspicion) that you're cooking something up with him. Storm Shadow is the same but not quite as strongly. But I agree that both are extremely special and deserve for you to get them exactly the way you intend.

 

[docsilence]

I think those two have appeared in the file cards for OTHER guys more than anyone else, too. Tommy is likely running a one-man war. Zartan... maybe he's becoming a modern day pirate king. Or something like that.