G.I. Joe Head Canon & Fanfic Filecards

Budo has been staring at me from the shelf for two weeks guilting me into writing one of these for him. I actually think it's going to take inspration from the figure, the transition from clean cut and pristinely armored to disheveled man in a street fight.
Kind of the Hawkeye-to-Ronin in Avengers play. The question is - does he ditch the Joe gear when he's dismissed, go home and find his family heirloom gear and decide to wear that. Or does he wear some variation of his regular Joe stuff?


I hated Bludd in the cartoon because he was so goofy, liked him better in the comics because he was darker, but the Classified Bludd just LOOKS like a killer. That face sculpt is a man who has big plans and doesn't care who he needs to garrote to get there.
Absolutely this.


Before I started writing these up I was toying with "Joes vs. Alien/Predator" setups on my shelf, but now I think I need to do a Disavowed one. I swapped out General Hawk for the O13 version like he dyed his hair blond to hide on the run, pulled his old gear on and was like "heh... still fits. Let's move."
I can't let this excellent storyline you're crafting talk me into buying a bunch more figures that I wasn't going to get. But of the ones I already was going to get or already have, I'm definitely going to need to put together a little Disavowed shelf with some bad guys and maybe a small team of disavowed Joes. Particularly if I can pop over some Joes I have or will have multiples of. Gonna get interesting.
 
Budo has been staring at me from the shelf for two weeks guilting me into writing one of these for him. I actually think it's going to take inspration from the figure, the transition from clean cut and pristinely armored to disheveled man in a street fight.
Yes that is perfect.
I hated Bludd in the cartoon because he was so goofy, liked him better in the comics because he was darker, but the Classified Bludd just LOOKS like a killer. That face sculpt is a man who has big plans and doesn't care who he needs to garrote to get there.
Absolutely. And doing it out in front of everybody is even better.
Before I started writing these up I was toying with "Joes vs. Alien/Predator" setups on my shelf, but now I think I need to do a Disavowed one. I swapped out General Hawk for the O13 version like he dyed his hair blond to hide on the run, pulled his old gear on and was like "heh... still fits. Let's move."
Aw damn, yes!!! It's funny because sometimes I'll hit a bump with writing and look up at the shelf trying to work the problem out, then end up rearranging some guys for a half hour before I realize, shit, I gotta get more pages out today. You have found a way to do both heh.
 
I didn't do it on purpose, but the alternate timeline definitely has pockets of teams / cells - might even be possible to ONLY do like, Airborne's political campaign cell or Torpedo's "Free Hawaii" cell.
 
I can pretty easily move Rock N Roll and Bludd over. Bludd because, as I've said, I have no attachment to him as a nostalgia-buy anyway, and he doesn't really fit into my head canon for the more retro-style Joe stuff so he's very much already an odd-man-out in my display. RnR because I have the tattooed-up more 'realistic' first version that seems to suit this timeline more than it does a fantasy sci-fi 1980s cartoon.

Trying to think of who else can go to that shelf without feeling like I'm losing anything in my display....probably Low-light, since I have no nostalgia for v1. And probably the black SE that came with Timber, since I got that set more for Timber and that SE figure on its own doesn't interest me pretty much at all.
 
This is great, Damien finally connected with Bludd because of this. No sarcasm.
Yep. Perfect storm of a great characterization here and an action figure better than it had any right to be.
To be fair, though, the last thing I need is to be convinced to like even more Joe characters.
 
YOU GUYS DID THIS:

Code Name: Big Boa
File Name, Unknown; Balboa, Sylvester (stage name)
Primary Military Specialty: Physical Training Instructor
Secondary Military Specialty: Mixed Martial Arts
Birthplace: Staten Island, New York
Grade: N/A

Following the election of Rexford Lewis, an effort was made to place any American citizen Cobra operatives not on international watchlists in useful public-facing positions. Big Boa was considered for the role of head of Health and Human Services, but it was determined he would first need to elevate his public relations status. Thus, Punching Down with Big Boa was launched - ostensibly a health and fitness "man-o-sphere" podcast, the show was also intended to sway public opinion, particularly among young male voters, toward Lewis's policies and beliefs. The show has become significantly profitable, selling male-enhancement products, a line of testosterone supplements branded as "Serpent Venom," and erectile enhancement gel called "Snake Skin." It is Lewis's intent to install Big Boa as the Health Secretary in his second year in office. but is also considering using the podcast to supply the nation's most gullible men with a mind-controlling agent developed by Dr. Mindbender.

"You know the saying, a face for radio? That's Big Boa. That potato he calls a face belongs on audio-only productions. I want to say his show is harmless, but people really buy into his "real men" schtick, and he's making bank off the non-FDA approved chemicals he's peddling. Dial Tone has an idea to start a competing show debunking what Big Boa is saying on air, but Hawk thinks it's a waste of effort. 'Those pills might do more harm than good, but nothing will cure stupid,' he says."
 
It would be amazing if they were able to trigger actual change for their Native communities because of all this.
In the whole "this story line is really fantasy because it highlights the best people can be and not reality," part of why I put Airborne and Torpedo where they are is because this country will never fix that, but in fiction, maybe a few heroes can.
 
Punching Down with Big Boa
Jesus Christ, Doc. Seriously. The whole damned entry is gold but this is brilliant. I literally covered my face at this point and whispered "Jesus Fucking Christ" then slightly convulsed as I stifled my laughter for no reason.
Serpent Venom
It just keeps getting better.
Snake Skin.
At this point I was reading through my fingers like a horror movie and snickering.

Christ this one was wonderful. It's been a productive goddamned day for this thread!
 
In the whole "this story line is really fantasy because it highlights the best people can be and not reality," part of why I put Airborne and Torpedo where they are is because this country will never fix that, but in fiction, maybe a few heroes can.
Yep. Absolutely. If we're gonna fantasize, go for all of it damnit.
 
At this point I was reading through my fingers like a horror movie and snickering.
Not gonna lie, Snake Skin was inspired by seeing an article yesterday about how Gen Z men are doing this thing called "jelqing" to make their dicks bigger, it doesn't work and can cause permanent damage, and I'm like "Big Boa would talk about this on his show like it's a good thing."

I am truly proud of Punching Down with Big Boa though. I feel like that one is a winner.
 
A physical training instructor with a stage name that's a clumsy homage to Rocky having a really good shot at becoming head of Health and Human Services is a joke that would have been hilarious before 2016.
 
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