The Relationship Overshare Thread

The difference is a small chest is obvious. There's lots of ways to disguise it and augment it, but there's no real hiding it. So that "normalized" a long time ago.

Whereas a penis has a mystery until it doesn't.
 
Speaking of nudity and Lethal Weapon, young Chooch would often pause and rewind that one scene in Lethal Weapon 2 on VHS excited to see a blurry nipple. Simpler times.

Back on the penis, is the lack of it an inequality thing or are hetero women just not that interested?
 
Chooch555 said:
Speaking of nudity and Lethal Weapon, young Chooch would often pause and rewind that one scene in Lethal Weapon 2 on VHS excited to see a blurry nipple. Simpler times.

Back on the penis, is the lack of it an inequality thing or are hetero women just not that interested?
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I have a lot of gay friends these days. I'm not saying this is the norm.

But what I will tell you is a lot of my male gay friends, in addition to a lot of women with an interest in men, will tell me that Pedro rolling his sleeves up is more sex coded than a topless Margot Robbie. Vincent d'Onofrio gritting his teeth and grunting in Daredevil is more erotic than shirtless Hugh Jackman.

Thicc untidy Sheriff Hopper is sexier have than any of my own toxic masculinity and body dysmorphia ideas of what a hot guy is supposed to look like.

It's been very self-esteem lifting for me and very enlightening in a hindsight sense. Certainly as a Hopper shaped bald bearded guy.

I mean I've heard it from girlfriends and my ex-wife over the years. But that feels like they're obligated to tell me I'm hot. When people just volunteer this information and then tell me the formula I have had in my head is wrong the whole time, I think that's interesting.

I've had this exact penis discussion with women and men who love men. The penis is the least important part. It truly is being intellectually or physically imposing on some level. And it doesn't mean you have to be a big guy and it doesn't mean you have to be a genius. It can be as small as proper punctuation or good diction. Just standing up straight and rolling your shirt sleeves up over your forearm.

And it makes sense. At least straight guys as far as I know are wired to see a boob or a vagina and boom. It's go time. It's like that movie quest for fire when the lady is bending over in the river.

But look at what most porn is for women. The spicy audio books. The spicy dark fantasy books. Many women I've been with tell me that my demeanor and voice is what attracted them and anything else is just like icing.

Let me ramble another example, and a reason I pay my therapist.

I basically grew up with the Marlboro man. The '80s and '90s action Heroes. In my mind, the ideal Man is physically imposing, witty, improvisational, body hair. Sean Connery as Bond if you will.

But most of the younger women I know these days want a Timothy Chalamet. Women my age like a Pedro Pascal, and not as Joel from The Last of Us.

So it vexes me twice over because... If a skinny rodent guy like Timothy Chalamet is En Vogue, I can't do anything. Do you want me to not hit gym? Stop eating? Can't drop inches. Can't drop my shoulder breadth. I can't compete at all. Ergo I must be undesirable.

I could do Pedro as Joel. That's basically how I dress. I never stopped dressing like I did in the '90s I'm just lucky it came back around. But that's not what a lot of people tell me they like. They want Pedro being effeminate goofing on the couch with Vanessa. Because that's confidence. That is safety and comfort.

I get the most action since I had a wedding ring when I wear my Sailor Moon hoodie or have my nails painted. It's like I have Jessica Drew pheromones when I do that. I'm told by new and old acquaintances alike that that is because it's like the perfect balance of safe and independent but still looking traditionally bald bearded broad dude.

All that to say no, I don't think the penis is a draw. I'm also told that penises can be really f****** weird.

I would love to know if it's just my circle.
 
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altcunningham said:
I would love to know if it's just my circle.
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No, I think that's fairly accurate to everything I've ever been told in similar discussions with friends/SOs. Even my wife will happily tell you that me playing with our kids is way sexier to her than if I just stood there with my dick out. There's nothing -inherently- sexy, to my understanding, to just seeing a dick the way there is for your average hetero guy to see titties or something.
 
altcunningham said:
I have a lot of gay friends these days. I'm not saying this is the norm.

But what I will tell you is a lot of my male gay friends, in addition to a lot of women with an interest in men, will tell me that Pedro rolling his sleeves up is more sex coded than a topless Margot Robbie. Vincent d'Onofrio gritting his teeth and grunting in Daredevil is more erotic than shirtless Hugh Jackman.

Thicc untidy Sheriff Hopper is sexier have than any of my own toxic masculinity and body dysmorphia ideas of what a hot guy is supposed to look like.

It's been very self-esteem lifting for me and very enlightening in a hindsight sense. Certainly as a Hopper shaped bald bearded guy.

I mean I've heard it from girlfriends and my ex-wife over the years. But that feels like they're obligated to tell me I'm hot. When people just volunteer this information and then tell me the formula I have had in my head is wrong the whole time, I think that's interesting.

I've had this exact penis discussion with women and men who love men. The penis is the least important part. It truly is being intellectually or physically imposing on some level. And it doesn't mean you have to be a big guy and it doesn't mean you have to be a genius. It can be as small as proper punctuation or good diction. Just standing up straight and rolling your shirt sleeves up over your forearm.

And it makes sense. At least straight guys as far as I know are wired to see a boob or a vagina and boom. It's go time. It's like that movie quest for fire when the lady is bending over in the river.

But look at what most porn is for women. The spicy audio books. The spicy dark fantasy books. Many women I've been with tell me that my demeanor and voice is what attracted them and anything else is just like icing.

Let me ramble another example, and a reason I pay my therapist.

I basically grew up with the Marlboro man. The '80s and '90s action Heroes. In my mind, the ideal Man is physically imposing, witty, improvisational, body hair. Sean Connery as Bond if you will.

But most of the younger women I know these days want a Timothy Chalamet. Women my age like a Pedro Pascal, and not as Joel from The Last of Us.

So it vexes me twice over because... If a skinny rodent guy like Timothy Chalamet is En Vogue, I can't do anything. Do you want me to not hit gym? Stop eating? Can't drop inches. Can't drop my shoulder breadth. I can't compete at all. Ergo I must be undesirable.

I could do Pedro as Joel. That's basically how I dress. I never stopped dressing like I did in the '90s I'm just lucky it came back around. But that's not what a lot of people tell me they like. They want Pedro being effeminate goofing on the couch with Vanessa. Because that's confidence. That is safety and comfort.

I get the most action since I had a wedding ring when I wear my Sailor Moon hoodie or have my nails painted. It's like I have Jessica Drew pheromones when I do that. I'm told by new and old acquaintances alike that that is because it's like the perfect balance of safe and independent but still looking traditionally bald bearded broad dude.

All that to say no, I don't think the penis is a draw. I'm also told that penises can be really f****** weird.

I would love to know if it's just my circle.
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I think this is all correct.

I put on about 25 pounds this year (not by choice). That's a lot for a 5'9 guy. While I'm trying to lose it (an uphill battle, based on my genetics), ironically, I think I look better with my shirt off now than I did before. I bet most women would agree. I'm reasonably buff but not cut anymore.

Honestly, I think the funniest thing about sexual preference/attractiveness is that most men base their own preferences on what they think other men like. "Am I personally into stick-thin blondes with big tits? No, but to mark my status with other men, I'd better marry one rather than the thicc girls I like." Porn searches/popular porn videos bear this out.

The same goes for male body standards. Men aren't trying to impress women so much as other men. Several Bluesky threads about that have stuck with me. The guy in the photos claimed he couldn't get a date before (when he was a literal underwear model), so he went to the gym and started pumping steroids. Objectively, I think he went from a 9.5 to a 7. Women especially don't want to date Absolute Batman.

https://bsky.app/profile/michaelhobbes.bsky.social%2Fpost%2F3lba7rdnw4s2v

Another good thread from Ryan Cooper about how toxic masculinity has doomed male body image:

https://bsky.app/profile/ryanlcooper.com%2Fpost%2F3lloq4tcizo26
https://bsky.app/profile/ryanlcooper.com%2Fpost%2F3lloqbzbhy52s
https://bsky.app/profile/ryanlcooper.com%2Fpost%2F3lloqgiff6h2e

There was another thread, from women, about how they found a David Harbour-type body more attractive than Captain America Chris Evans. I can't remember the verbiage to search that one, so you'll have to take my word for it. Biologically, they saw the Harbour-type as the prototypical provider. He had a practical body. The muscle boy was an absurdist fetish.
 
My favorite is pointing out to the wannabe-Viking fitness dopes going on about looking like their ancestors and all that that we have fetishized the nude male form to the point where we don't recognize the form we're seeing as abnormal. 'Vikings' would not have recognized the ultra-muscle shredded body type as being masculine AT ALL. Hilariously.
 
TheSameIdiot said:
Honestly, I think the funniest thing about sexual preference/attractiveness is that most men base their own preferences on what they think other men like. "Am I personally into stick-thin blondes with big tits? No, but to mark my status with other men, I'd better marry one rather than the thicc girls I like." Porn searches/popular porn videos bear this out.
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Just getting home so I'm going to pore through the links when I can.

But this part is interesting to me. When I was younger, I knew what I liked. And a lot of the other guys would give me shit. And each other. This weird negging of each other. And to your point, I eventually realized that a lot of guys are ashamed of what they're into and try to fit this media narrative/mandate, because if you say you like something that's out of the norm, most other dudes are going to mock you for it even if it's "friendly". That's just being a young man. And you start to realize that they were the insecure ones all along.

To take it back to the food thing from the complaint thread, I'm not going to eat what's on your plate so why do I care what you want on your plate? Eat what you like. Entendre intended.

Society really does a hell of a lot of damage.
 
I'm really lucky I don't hang out with guys much heh, but I do see it a lot with my Brother In Law who can be completely swayed by opinions of buddys to end it with a woman based entirely on comments about her looks. My wife and I will comment to him about a woman who mistreats him or clearly doesn't care about his kids or may have a drug problem, but a friend makes one comment about her ass or skin and they are dunzo.
 
Everyone that works for me in the field is a guy. Weirdly, none of them seem to give a shit what anyone else thinks of their tastes. None of them seem to care. Like big girls? Cool, man. Get you some. Like little titties? That's awesome - they fit in your hands. Prefer them with tons of piercings and looking possibly ill? Yeah, get after it, buddy. These are construction workers that tend toward the conservative side as well, so it's not like they're crazy Lefties trying to be supportive. To a man they just don't seem to give a shit about this kind of thing and also seem very comfortable with what they are into.

Maybe just under half of us are married and I don't think I've even heard a guy comment on the physical appearance of anyone else's wife. Not even a 'nice, she's hot' or anything like that.
 
Ugh. I always got told I liked “fat girls” because I was generally not particularly aesthetically interested in very, very thin women as a young guy. I honestly feel like I don’t have a “type” and it’s pretty much an individual-person thing whether I find someone “hot” or not, and mostly I was always more concerned with not being a creep than checking out girls. I absolutely never related to the way other men around me related to women, even other men I liked and respected. One more of those “I never really feel entirely human” things. But yeah being a teen in the 90s was wild because it was all thin bodies with implants and that’s definitely not my taste. And any interest in that type died a complete death a few years ago when my body-dysmorphic sister got implants.

My poor wife is totally zonked by body-size issues, though, and I suppose I am too since we are both actors, but she feels it WAY more, especially as she ages. She gets all kinds of feedback that she is very, VERY hot all the time, from a wide variety of sources around her, and yet she constantly feels (and is right to feel, honestly) that she is in never ending competition with a younger, thinner class of women that will always be a HUGE pool and will never go away. And, like, my wife is *gorgeous*, 40s/50s pinup with all that style and all those curves. And yet she is just crushed all the time by feelings that she is not attractive, not “cast-able”, and just generally of less value, to the point where it affects our relationship. It’s awful to watch.
 
Damien said:
Everyone that works for me in the field is a guy. Weirdly, none of them seem to give a shit what anyone else thinks of their tastes. None of them seem to care. Like big girls? Cool, man. Get you some. Like little titties? That's awesome - they fit in your hands. Prefer them with tons of piercings and looking possibly ill? Yeah, get after it, buddy. These are construction workers that tend toward the conservative side as well, so it's not like they're crazy Lefties trying to be supportive. To a man they just don't seem to give a shit about this kind of thing and also seem very comfortable with what they are into.

Maybe just under half of us are married and I don't think I've even heard a guy comment on the physical appearance of anyone else's wife. Not even a 'nice, she's hot' or anything like that.
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Just Canadian things.

I haven't heard any objectification/"locker-room talk" since I moved to Seattle. Granted, I work in academia. There are fewer fuckbois and fuckgirls in academia than in other industries.

Back in DC, I got stuck working at a consulting firm for a few years. It was a masculine, competitive, toxic environment. People were about as respectful toward women as you'd expect. I only opened my mouth when addressed.
AceofKnaves said:
But yeah being a teen in the 90s was wild because it was all thin bodies with implants and that’s definitely not my taste.
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Awful. When I was a teen in the aughts, it was customary for girls to starve themselves to fit into low-rise jeans. Let's pray we skip over that trend as that era comes back in fashion.
 
Ru1977 said:
I'm really lucky I don't hang out with guys much heh, but I do see it a lot with my Brother In Law who can be completely swayed by opinions of buddys to end it with a woman based entirely on comments about her looks. My wife and I will comment to him about a woman who mistreats him or clearly doesn't care about his kids or may have a drug problem, but a friend makes one comment about her ass or skin and they are dunzo.
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We all have our priorities.
AceofKnaves said:
My poor wife is totally zonked by body-size issues, though
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I blame Jennifer Aniston.

I always gravitated (no pun) towards bigger girls in and after high school. I guess I felt I had more in common (or had a better chance) as I wasn't the smallest guy in school either (though I look back now and thing "how did I ever think I was fat" cause now I AM fat). That all went out the window when I met my wife. 5'9" 115lbs and Italian. Yikes. I Still don't know how I hooked her. We joke "why did I even marry you?!" and I always say because I'm hilarious, which I think is closer to the truth than anything.
 
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