G.I. Joe Classified Series

I still get a twinge of guilt or something every time I walk out of a store without purchasing anything. I’d happily make a purchase if they had what I was looking for. I remember during the CI days I made it a point to not buy anything at Target unless they had the Joes I was after. Even then I’d only buy those as quickly as possible for fear of someone snatching them out of my hands like the last roll of toilet paper. Type 2 fun in hindsight but those were crazy days. I’m so glad we’re at the point where we just whine when our preorder from a certain site doesn’t ship first and somewhere else we didn’t order from did.
 
As promised:

DARKLON
File name: Declan “Darklon” McCullen
Birthplace: Slaghtaverty, County Londonderry, Northern Ireland
Primary military specialty: Terror
Secondary Military Specialty: Insurgency

Refusing to submit to government control after the British Civil War, the youngest child of the McCullen clan fled to Northern Ireland. With the stolen family Claymore and the legendary Mask of Abhartach, this McCullen spawned generations of highwaymen and freedom fighters. Branded “Darklon” and rejected by his own family for acts of cruel sadism, Declan McCullen has joined his cousin Destro to head E.R.I.S.*, the secret insurgent wing of the Iron Grenadiers. Constantly at odds with the conservative strategist General Voltar, the chaotic Darklon strains the family bonds of Clan Destro to the breaking point.

From Scarlett’s intelligence files:
“He’s the black sheep of the black sheep. Seemingly uninterested in profit. Rumored volunteer for Venomization/Compound Z experiments. Known associate of Cobra extremists Interrogator and the Overlord. Does not leave survivors. If this man is the heir of MARS, the world will burn. Eliminate on sight.”

*”Executions, Revenge, International Syndicate”
 
Buttmunch said:
I still get a twinge of guilt or something every time I walk out of a store without purchasing anything. I’d happily make a purchase if they had what I was looking for. I remember during the CI days I made it a point to not buy anything at Target unless they had the Joes I was after. Even then I’d only buy those as quickly as possible for fear of someone snatching them out of my hands like the last roll of toilet paper. Type 2 fun in hindsight but those were crazy days. I’m so glad we’re at the point where we just whine when our preorder from a certain site doesn’t ship first and somewhere else we didn’t order from did.
Click to expand...
I bought so much contact solution and toothpaste just so I'd look less sketchy during the Walgreens days. I never ran out of antiperspirant. I think because people casually shop at Target I feel less guilty leaving empty handed than a place that is regularly held up for their supply of oxies. I feel like every Walgreens figure was someone I needed, too.

Yeah, I try not to whinge too much when Pulse ships last these days, because they almost always ACTUALLY SHIP, so it's a matter of waiting a few weeks and not running in and out of seven targets looking for a blue-eyed Beachhead.
 
AceofKnaves said:
Slaghtaverty, County Londonderry, Northern Ireland
Click to expand...
afff2656-19a9-4f79-bc10-ded67aee30ce_text.gif

Though, if he's anti-British government and into freedom fighting, I would probably call it "County Derry".
 
Buttmunch said:
I don’t think I had ever experienced so much attention in the toy isles than those Cobra Island days. I regularly ran into people looking for the same things, which never happens to me. Probably would have made some good friends had the pandemic not been keeping us in a weird standoffish state. I certainly had the mentality that everyone else was either a scalper or had Covid, or both haha. Never did get COVID on those Cobra Island missions, thankfully.

I still wonder if all that extra attend the line got increased interest more than it would have gotten or if the line was always just going to be this popular. For a modern retail line without a major media tie-in, Classified has done far better than anyone expected. The only wave that really bombed was, ironically, the Snake Eyes movie tie-in wave.
Click to expand...
Even without Pandemic, I've had some hostile and creepy incidents in the aisle over Legends and Joes.
 
Ru1977 said:
Though, if he's anti-British government and into freedom fighting, I would probably call it "County Derry".
Click to expand...
Heheh maybe that’s why his family disowned him! 🤣

And for folks who aren’t absolute folklore nerds out there, that place of birth is the real-life site of the (supposed) grave of Abhartach, a vampire king from Irish legend. Darklon’s alt-mask has that Mario Bava’s Black Sunday thing going on, so I figured linking it, and Darklon, to some British Isles undead folklore would be cool.
 
My area is freaking crazy for finding toys locally. CI was such a shitshow, I had to trade locally to get what I wanted. I remember a young girl coyly bringing out a case of five (one was missing) CI Troopers, saying "I'm not sure if these will scan..." Before she could even finish her sentence I had morphed into a toy beast, muttering "I'll try at the self checkout" and grabbing them all, racing to check out and dump them into my trunk before re-entering the store as a normal customer shopping for groceries. Now I wish I had sold them for ridiculous prices, as the only thing I still like about them is their goggles. Boy, on that note, I'm so glad they haven't been putting pegs on guns anymore.

Fast forward to today, got my Blowtorch from Amazon, washed him and goof off'd some of his hairline (the paint was fuzzy on his forehead). He looks just as amazing as I hoped, only small con is lack of boot swivel. Time to order Darklon (love that backstory), dunno why I thought I'd be able to be patient and wait for a sale, he looks awesome. Good time to be a Joe fan! Bring on the next stream and put that damn 60th Rescue Police up!
 
Last edited:
On the subject of tomorrow, I wonder if they originally planned to have the Night Viper wave go up but that may have been delayed until July so nothing tomorrow?
 
Somehow I'd never seen Darklon's full file card and now I actually REALLY like him. Great foil for the reserved darkness of Destro. He came out originally after my time so I didn't really connect with him.
 
Damien said:
He was a Walmart Exclusive and, for whatever reason, didn't seem to show up anywhere. I'd love to own one myself, but Walmarts in this part of Canada straight up barely carry Joe at all, barely carry any Walmart exclusives of any kind, and therefore never got a single Range Viper as far as I'm aware.
Click to expand...
I don't think the Range Viper ever made it to shelves at Walmart (Canada).

I lucked out and snagged two of them on preorder at the time.
 
docsilence said:
Somehow I'd never seen Darklon's full file card and now I actually REALLY like him.
Click to expand...
Just in the interest of not leading you down a primrose path, that’s my original file card for him, not his actual file card. I tried not to contradict the “real” card, but I did kinda substitute “greed” with “chaos”.
8f4358420d9176b67989e686eb2a0f59.jpg
 
AceofKnaves said:
Just in the interest of not leading you down a primrose path, that’s my original file card for him, not his actual file card. I tried not to contradict the “real” card, but I did kinda substitute “greed” with “chaos”.
Click to expand...
Welp, yours is better than reality, so I'm sticking with it. I read the post too fast and thought it was a quote.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top