The Complaint Thread

I was listening to a podcast, which I can't remember now, about how our actually language is shifting because of TikTok and YouTube, where people have to say things like 'he unalived himself' or 'She was SA'd' or whatever -- about historical people, or otherwise within contexts where those discussions are necessary. All because we're now self-censoring for social media fucking AI moderators. I fucking hate it so much.
 
Well, to follow up on my previous post about the Mace vs. Palpy pack- I got a notice today from FedEx that the item was sent back to Pulse. Which means it was just sitting in a warehouse this whole time. But apparently they couldn't tell me that? According to the multiple FedEx people I spoke with, legally, they could only disclose its location to a Pulse employee? So so weird. I reached back out to Pulse to see if it could be re-sent out once it gets back, but I'm not hopeful.

docsilence said:
A friend, a FELLOW AUTHOR, yesterday, in a private conversation, self-censored herself by using an emoji for a word that TikTok would censor (because she spends so much time on TikTok for her book marketing, writes romance, and is constantly circumventing the censorship bots) and it was so random I literally needed to be an old man shouting at the cloud and say "I need you to translate that for me, I don't speak TikTok."

The word was FINISH, guys. She writes smutty romance books and her primary source of marketing will block the fucking word "FINISH" because it is an alternative to "orgasm" or "cum." Social media was a mistake.

(Meanwhile I saw a lot of authors today who aren't on TikTok because of this get the cold awakening when Threads tried to censor their f-bombs in their posts. We've voluntarily allowed ourselves to be censored by robots. I hate this timeline.)
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This has become one of my absolute biggest pet peeves of late, especially as a writer myself. All these people- mostly kids, but some adults too- unironically using words like "Pew Pew" in place of "gun", "unalive" instead of "dead or killed", etc. It's one thing to try and earnestly get a piece through the censors (even though I don't agree with that either), but it's something else entirely when you have those fake social justice warriors who feign being progressive and mindful and will attack you if you just outright use one of the no-no words. Don't get me wrong- I totally get that different people are triggered by different things, and I would never intentionally want to bring up anyone's PTSD or anything, especially as someone who deals with it myself, but I do think there's a limit. It's not entirely fair to get mad at someone for using a trigger word or phrase when they didn't know it was triggering. Once they know, if they continue to use it purposefully, that's one thing, but a person can't avoid what they don't know. Maybe I'm just old school, but I'm also of the mindset that you can't grow or overcome things if you don't face them. To an extent, of course- I'd never, like, shove someone into a pit of snakes to make them overcome their fear- but I also don't think tip-toeing around the subject is smart either. And I say that as someone who knows full well how weird and touchy PTSD can be- sometimes I can talk about the person/thing directly and be totally fine, but, like I hear an old song the person used to like or see something that was on TV at the time and it sends me for a loop. Trauma is weird and silly, and I try to be as mindful as I can, but I also believe in doing what you can to reclaim your power. I'm not gonna force anyone to confront anything, but I also don't think handling things super delicately is the way to go either. If things come up, let's face them together, take away the power of the thing, and continue on.

I'm totally cool trying to implement my vocabulary to try and use other words that make you comfortable but also get across the gravity of the situation. But using these words like "SA", "unalive", etc., you inadvertently take away the power of something. Which sometimes is good, like when trying to overcome trauma, but sometimes it removes the seriousness of the thing too. If I have a friend who took their own life and am trying to warn others of the dangers of suicide, I'm not gonna trivialize it and treat it like some novelty meme thing that was done for the lulz. Same with murder or guns or sexual assault- these are all awful things that should freak you out and should make you realize the gravity of. When it becomes just another word in the vernacular, you risk normalizing the behavior, and that should never be.

As you can see, I have very big feelings on the subject. 😅 It just so happens to be a topic that lies at a convergence point for a lot of things in my life.
 
Damien said:
I was listening to a podcast, which I can't remember now, about how our actually language is shifting because of TikTok and YouTube, where people have to say things like 'he unalived himself' or 'She was SA'd' or whatever -- about historical people, or otherwise within contexts where those discussions are necessary. All because we're now self-censoring for social media fucking AI moderators. I fucking hate it so much.
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I get frustrated with people who get judgmental of the folks who are censoring without understanding the why, but grates on me every single time I hear unalived or "graped" or whatever. My friend was using the CHECKERED FLAG EMOJI to explain how her doctor warned her that her new antidepressant might make it difficult to nut, so to speak. I need a fucking translator half the time someone sends me a video. Even stuff like Legends of Avantris, who don't self-censor verbally when recording censor the CAPTIONS with fake words so they don't get dinged on Meta or TikTok in their marketing.

I mean, I've been off TikTok since a literal Air Force counterintelligence dude told me he won't allow it in his house let alone use it for himself, but they're all bad. Even Bluesky, which is the least bad, will immediately ban you if you use anything that sounds like a threat and I mean threatening peoples' lives is our national pass time.
 
joshsquash729 said:
Don't get me wrong- I totally get that different people are triggered by different things, and I would never intentionally want to bring up anyone's PTSD or anything, especially as someone who deals with it myself, but I do think there's a limit.
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I want to preface this by saying that I am about to make a broad clinical statement. Each individual case is unique, and I would not just throw generalizations at an individual client.

THAT SAID:

People frequently get this “trigger” stuff absolutely backwards. Like yes absolutely we need to be mindful and not intentionally terrorize people, sure. But it is the responsibility of folks to manage their OWN triggers, not expect the world to manage triggers for them. I mean if THAT was the case, I wouldn’t even have a job because the world would do it for me, and trust me: it doesn’t, and even if it did the point is to help folks heal and gain agency over themselves. So like sure: a specific support group being careful about some language to create a healing space . . . OK, I get that, and it can be situationally helpful. But as like a full-tilt societal thing? No. It’s not productive, it doesn’t solve any of the problems it purports to solve, and it certainly doesn’t help people overcome post traumatic stress.

Point being: healing from trauma is NOT about expecting the world to bend to YOU. It is about working on YOURSELF so you can face the WORLD. That other thing is just building a box to be trapped in.

Edit: I want to clarify that this is not a “tough love” thing. FUCK “TOUGH LOVE”. This is about compassionately helping a traumatized person face the world, not some dumbass “suck it up, snowflake” thing. It’s the opposite of that, just with personal responsibility prioritized.
 
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Oh, absolutely. That was my intended stance, even if it didn't come across that way. I've never expected anyone to cater or bow to my weird, ever-changing boundaries with my trauma. I don't even fully understand it half the time; I can't expect others to, and certainly can't get mad at them for accidentally bringing something up. That's what frustrates me so much about all this stuff- like you said, Ace, it feels like people are expecting others to help heal them, but they're not willing to do the work themselves. Healing is often a communal experience, sure, but not entirely. Especially when people do their due diligence- put a trigger warning before something, etc.- the blame then on is on you, I think (blame isn't the right word, but you know what I mean).

I used to help lead an LGBTQ+ support group at one of my prior jobs, and as you can imagine, lots of youth were working through trauma and figuring things out regarding identity. A lot of queer/gay youth tend to be on the defensive, at times to a fault, so we would often focus on distinguishing between accidental and purposeful microaggressions. Especially when a kid was trans, non-binary, or figuring things out- even the more loving, supporting parents slipped up from time to time. Humans are creatures of habit and comfort, and sometimes it's moreso about the willingness to step outside the comfort zone, even if the act itself is a little messy. Any relationship- be it with family, friends, or even yourself, is a two way street. Both parties have to put in the effort and we willing to give and take. In some instances, like LGBT youth, trauma, etc., it can often feel like any slight thing is an attack against you, but it's important to take a moment, a step back, and really examine the intent. Is this person educated on the matter? Do they have a stance that's set in stone? What do they have to gain/lose from any given action, etc.

Humans are fascinating creatures, and at the end of the day, we're all programmed to prioritize ourselves first- our survival, our comfort, our habits, etc. But that doesn't mean said things can't bend and change to include others.

Anyway. I'm rambling (again). We all just need to be more patient and flexible with others.
 
I work at a college tutoring students in IT courses. No programming, that shit is infernal magic as far as I'm concerned. I had a student a few years ago that told me I used a word that he did not like and it made him very uncomfortable. That's my summation. His version was a short story rambling about the event. Two paragraphs. At the end, he told me he didn't like when I used the word "okay".
Ya. There's a line to be drawn. I'm not sure where it is, but I know where it's not.
 
Red Ogre said:
I work at a college tutoring students in IT courses. No programming, that shit is infernal magic as far as I'm concerned. I had a student a few years ago that told me I used a word that he did not like and it made him very uncomfortable. That's my summation. His version was a short story rambling about the event. Two paragraphs. At the end, he told me he didn't like when I used the word "okay".
Ya. There's a line to be drawn. I'm not sure where it is, but I know where it's not.
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We used to get in trouble at one of my old restaurant jobs if we'd greet a table with both men and women as "guys". We'd have to say "folks"- "How are you folks doing today?", etc. Back then I wasn't sure if it was just some midwest respect thing, but as I get older, I see that it was probably just one or two people's preferences that suddenly became the rule. So while I do try to respect people's vocab preferences, unless it's something truly important like respecting someone's gender identity, I don't make too much of a fuss about things. If a white suburban mom gets bent out of shape because I referred to her and her friends as "guys", I ain't losing sleep.
 
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