G.I. Joe Head Canon & Fanfic Filecards

docsilence said:
Shit, I think we're down to Shooter and Zap after this one for named Joes who have figures already! I gotta look at the viper list to see if there's any cool generics I haven't written up yet. Taking suggestions!
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Wait, shit, who is the redacted person?! I've been drinking so I'll need to read again tomorrow.

But with the viper list... If I'm not wrong, aside from the Crimson, Fireteam, and Python repaints, or if you wanna differentiate between regular and Cobra Island Vipers, there's Trench Viper.... and that's it! Oh, Drift Viper should be cool since he's a new arctic one!
 
Chooch555 said:
See? Now I want to see that spinoff.
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Kamakura or Budo?I kinda want to write both, and before last year I really wasn't a huge fan of either.

Ru1977 said:
Wait, shit, who is the redacted person?! I've been drinking so I'll need to read again tomorrow.

But with the viper list... If I'm not wrong, aside from the Crimson, Fireteam, and Python repaints, or if you wanna differentiate between regular and Cobra Island Vipers, there's Trench Viper.... and that's it! Oh, Drift Viper should be cool since he's a new arctic one!
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For my own amusement, the Lewis administration never refers to Snake Eyes by name. He's always redacted. Then the other half of the file card has a Joe talking about him like he's just a dude.

Maybe I should do file cards for special Cobra units? Like explaining what the heck the Python Patrol is actually doing?

Thanks for pointing out Iceberg is confirmed - I know what he's up to and I don't mind writing him up before his figure's out. I'm gonna prioritize Shooter and Zap since we'll have both of them in hand relatively soon. I kinda love that the last existing figure to write up will be someone as "ordinary" as Zap, like a nod to the greenshirts.
 
One more for tonight - I think I'll do Zap next since he'll be big #130 for these cards!

Code Name: Shooter (Disavowed)
File Name: Craig, Jodie F.
Primary Military Specialty: Infantry
Secondary Military Specialty: Chaplain's Assistant
Birthplace: Montclair, New Jersey
Rank: E-7

Subject allegedly retired with the dissolution of the GI Joe Unit, but her whereabouts are currently unknown. She disappeared soon after the closure of the Pit and her tail lost her somewhere in the New Jersey Pine Barrens. It was obvious from her actions during this incident that she intended to evade her tail and go to ground. Quietly, an all-points bulletin is out for her arrest and she is considered armed and dangerous. The Lewis administration is prepping a smear campaign about a psychologically unhinged expert sniper on the loose on the East Coast; however, we have held back on publishing this information as Lewis himself is uncomfortable with pushing a marksman of her caliber to lash out. It is believed she intends to harm Lewis at an upcoming public event.

"I mean, Shooter could try to kill him. She's that good. This is what she does. You don't become a sniper just because you're a good marksman. There's a whole psychological profile to it. But Shooter doesn't intend to bring that kind of heat down on herself yet. What she's doing, with Hawk's support, is just making Lewis nervous. Every public appearance, he has to know that one of our best snipers it out there. That she might have his skull in her crosshairs. That the only thing keeping her from pulling that trigger is the honor associated with being one of the good guys. And that if he pushes us too far, we have his head painted with a laser beam ready to paint the wall with it. She's not going to do it, of course. The Joes never went in for assassination. But scaring Lewis? C'mon, we gotta get our laughs in somewhere, right?"
 
docsilence said:
Kamakura or Budo?I kinda want to write both, and before last year I really wasn't a huge fan of either.
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That's funny. These characters really have a way...
docsilence said:
For my own amusement, the Lewis administration never refers to Snake Eyes by name. He's always redacted. Then the other half of the file card has a Joe talking about him like he's just a dude.
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Ah, heh, that is awesome. OKay, I'll read it again!
docsilence said:
Maybe I should do file cards for special Cobra units? Like explaining what the heck the Python Patrol is actually doing?
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Definitely, yes. At least Python Patrol, but maybe it's finally time to do your Rosencrantz and your Guildenstern? If you wanted to go full on Are Dead with it, they're loyal Cobra troops who are summoned to the White House to aid their old friend Rex Lewis...
docsilence said:
Thanks for pointing out Iceberg is confirmed - I know what he's up to and I don't mind writing him up before his figure's out.
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Sweet! But man, the list is really dwindling!
docsilence said:
I'm gonna prioritize Shooter and Zap since we'll have both of them in hand relatively soon. I kinda love that the last existing figure to write up will be someone as "ordinary" as Zap, like a nod to the greenshirts.
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And am I wrong or is Zap Puerto Rican? Nice tie-in with the half time show today.
 
I'm not here for like... one evening.....

Tremendous stuff. Budo and Kamakura come off like all-star badasses. Basically painting Budo as G.I. John Wick is fuckin' great. Although, in the nicest and most respectful way possible, the "sharpened as thin as a piece of paper" line made me want to tear out my own eyes.
I also love that Snake Eyes remains almost mythological in this story. Budo is 'John Wick,' but Snake Eyes is like wrath incarnate and feels legitimately boogeyman-like. I really dig that.

And did Budo just fuck up an entire group of Night Creepers and kill Night Creeper Leader, or am I seeing the wrong characters in that description?

Tripwire is another great one of a Joe showing that these are more than just soldier guys who are only good guys because they fight who we call bad guys - they're good guys because, when not in a position to fight anyone, they still want to do good in the world. We need that pretty badly in our heroes.


Shooter is kind of brilliant in the sense of 'what do you do with a sniper without doing the obvious thing a sniper does.' Forcing Lewis to devote huge amounts of resources to protecting himself and plunging him into a constant paranoid state just by existing and like... playing video games in a different state, is objectively hilarious AND smart.
 
Damien said:
Although, in the nicest and most respectful way possible, the "sharpened as thin as a piece of paper" line made me want to tear out my own eyes.
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I put that line in there just to make you mad. (Nah, really it's in there because it's another Joe telling the story and using the storytelling language he knows from pop culture to tell it. It's just Rock 'n Roll or Footloose trying to tell an American folktale and all pop culture is razor's edge, paper thin, diamond-sharp...) I did want to make Budo count cos I know you're a fan of his though. Yes, those were Night Creepers with a grudge!

(I"m now picturing you arguing with Footloose over sword physics.)

I'm really trying to make it evident that Snake Eyes is nearly superhumanly dangerous and that Lewis is lucky he's hiding out in his cabin, but all these other guys are VERY capable of ruining his life.

Tripwire was tough because what the hell do you do when your ONLY skill is disarming bombs, but I was like - there's GOT to be humanitarian organizations who do this, right? Turns out there's a bunch! I'm so on a watch list for googling that shit though.

I was worried Shooter would be boring because, like, what else do you do with a sniper. But a sniper playing "I'm not touching you......" is kind of hilarious to me.
 
docsilence said:
Yes, those were Night Creepers with a grudge!
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I think my favorite part about that is that my two Night Creepers were facing off against Budo on my Joe shelf until just recently.


docsilence said:
(I"m now picturing you arguing with Footloose over sword physics.)
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I absolutely would. Thin edges break, FOOTLOOSE. Read a book.


docsilence said:
Tripwire was tough because what the hell do you do when your ONLY skill is disarming bombs, but I was like - there's GOT to be humanitarian organizations who do this, right? Turns out there's a bunch! I'm so on a watch list for googling that shit though.
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A scathing indictment of our entire species that there are a 'bunch' of organizations dedicated to disposing of left-over explosives.
 
Damien said:
I think my favorite part about that is that my two Night Creepers were facing off against Budo on my Joe shelf until just recently.



I absolutely would. Thin edges break, FOOTLOOSE. Read a book.



A scathing indictment of our entire species that there are a 'bunch' of organizations dedicated to disposing of left-over explosives.
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"The edges break, FOOTLOOSE" just got me laughing hard enough Steph asked if I was okay.

Yeah, if you want to get on the same watchlists I'm now on, google those organizaitons - like, I picked the one with the coolest name but they take up a whole page of searches.
 
Damien said:
To be clear; laughing at your laughing. The page of organizations that have to clean up after our constant warmongering is gross and makes me sad.
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I figured. I also really need to Hasbro to hire me because I immediately heard Footloose in his Sunbow voice saying "Oh yeah? then how do you explain how PAPER CUTS hurt so much, DAMIEN" back at you and truly these chuckleheads just live in my brain now.
 
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