G.I. Joe Classified Series

It drives me nuts when Snake-Eyes specifically doesn’t have vertical hinges.
I need him to be able to “point” and “thrust” his swords.
 
So, every now and then I pop on Ali Express and see if there's any bargains worth risking a punt on. Case in point: The Crimson Strike set. I absolutely refused to pay the ludicrous amount Pulse was charging over here and was quite content to just never bother with it but nearly half-price with free shipping? Ah, go on then.

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It's absurd how this got here in just over a week while I've had other, supposedly more legit places take the best part of a month to ship in-hand stock out but hey, world's all topsy-turvey messed up I guess.
 
Damien said:
It's okay guys, we banned him before he could hurt anyone else.
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AWE Striker - needlessly altered iconic chassis-shape, dropped the distinctive "70mm launcher" in favour of yet another "Ma Deuce," ripped off Crankcase's sleeves, unbloused his boots and dirtied his hair.

Steeler - subloads look like they would make enter/exiting a tank hatch awkward and complicated, vintage-style visor meshes poorly with modern-style helmet

Short-Fuze - ugly, randomly two-toned outfit, weird grab-bag of weapons, modern-style helmet

Desert Scorpion - could really have just been left alone. There's no real reason to swap out his leather shin-protectors for metal greaves or tuck his shirt into his pants other than change for change's sake.

Budo - nothing really wrong with the execution of this one so far as the concept of a "samurai infantryman" goes, I'm just not really terribly interested in it

Cop - not bad, just kind of falls into that "jack of all trades, master of none" trap by trying to be a patrol officer and tactical officer both (the exposed skin painted black in an effort to achieve a sort of ersatz "Under Armor" look is really dumb, though).

Sci-Fi - only really looks like the ARAH figure if you're squinting really hard.

Mainframe - randomly uses Tunnel Rat's legs, making him noticeably shorter than other Joes, creating a contradiction with his original filecard which implies that he's actually a pretty big guy.
 
Plastic Yank said:
AWE Striker - needlessly altered iconic chassis-shape, dropped the distinctive "70mm launcher" in favour of yet another "Ma Deuce," ripped off Crankcase's sleeves, unbloused his boots and dirtied his hair.

Steeler - subloads look like they would make enter/exiting a tank hatch awkward and complicated, vintage-style visor meshes poorly with modern-style helmet

Short-Fuze - ugly, randomly two-toned outfit, weird grab-bag of weapons, modern-style helmet

Desert Scorpion - could really have just been left alone. There's no real reason to swap out his leather shin-protectors for metal greaves or tuck his shirt into his pants other than change for change's sake.

Budo - nothing really wrong with the execution of this one so far as the concept of a "samurai infantryman" goes, I'm just not really terribly interested in it

Cop - not bad, just kind of falls into that "jack of all trades, master of none" trap by trying to be a patrol officer and tactical officer both (the exposed skin painted black in an effort to achieve a sort of ersatz "Under Armor" look is really dumb, though).

Sci-Fi - only really looks like the ARAH figure if you're squinting really hard.

Mainframe - randomly uses Tunnel Rat's legs, making him noticeably shorter than other Joes, creating a contradiction with his original filecard which implies that he's actually a pretty big guy.
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Not interested in samurai infantryman, he says. This guy just came up in my house and was like 'I hate fun, and I hate all of you' and then spit right into my toybox while giving my favorite cat the finger. I don't know what I did to deserve this, but the pain is real.

Although I totally agree that they should have just made Desert Scorpion ARAH-accurate, but I've accepted they're just going to refuse to do that for every single mainline release.
 
I know the comics got pretty dark, what with the real guns and death and what have you, but the cartoon erupted into a rave every five minutes and I doubt those pretty rays were supposed to be color coordinated tracer rounds. Sci-Fi getting to be the Laser Rifle Guy™️ when GI Joe's entire arsenal is just crates of "bulk pew-pews" and one bazooka with the endless ammo cheat is strangely charming. The Joes just quietly agreeing to not address it so their buddy can play future boy and dress like a Power Ranger makes me very happy.
 
Damien said:
Not interested in samurai infantryman, he says. This guy just came up in my house and was like 'I hate fun, and I hate all of you' and then spit right into my toybox while giving my favorite cat the finger. I don't know what I did to deserve this, but the pain is real.
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Oh come on, I didn't say that you couldn't like it; just that it's not a figure that sets the world on fire for me. ;)

Damien said:
Although I totally agree that they should have just made Desert Scorpion ARAH-accurate, but I've accepted they're just going to refuse to do that for every single mainline release.
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The complete and utter randomness of whether a "mainline release" will be a total, Pursuit of Cobra-style modern redesign (SAW Viper), a weird, nonsensical mashup of 1985 and 2025 gear and aesthetics (Footloose), or a 90-99% faithful recreation of a vintage ARAH figure (Hawk, Bazooka, Shipwreck, Wetsuit, Mutt, et al) is slowly driving me insane, I think.
 
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