G.I. Joe Head Canon & Fanfic Filecards

Secondly, damnit I wish I had gotten him
Yeah... Doc's been doing that to me a fuckin' lot in this thread and, quite frankly, I'm getting pretty sick of it and will be expecting a formal apology. My wife gave me a hilarious look earlier today when I was looking at Mutt & Junkyard on Amazon (64 fucking dollars out here) and she asked if I really needed that. Which, to be clear, is a helpful thing she does when she sees me waffling on a toy purchase. Sometimes it helps to just have someone not invested in it ask me outright 'is that something you actually care about?'

Anyway.. my exact answer was 'Doc made him seem cooler than I thought.' I could almost see her brain skip like a scratched CD while she tried to process this ridiculous answer before she said 'okay... get it, then.'

I didn't, though. I stayed strong for now.
 
I'm genuinely glad you have her. We all need a voice like her's. And I think I've had that too where my wife would shrug and say, "Fuck it, if you really want it, get it." And it made me realize... I don't actually, heh.

But yeah, it would be reeeeeally easy to just switch my Classified collection to be based entirely on Disavowed.
 
I'm genuinely glad you have her. We all need a voice like her's. And I think I've had that too where my wife would shrug and say, "Fuck it, if you really want it, get it." And it made me realize... I don't actually, heh.

I think the only time she's ever outright told me not to get something was when I was either being VERY financially irresponsible - like I just spent 400 dollars this month on toys and now I'm looking at spending another 200 and she's just like 'okay.. settle down.' That, or the few times when it was obvious to her that I didn't even really want the thing, I just wanted SOMEthing. Then she talks me down from the ledge.

But yeah, the other side of that is sometimes she's like 'yeah, whatever' and I'm just like 'well now I don't want it.' Just having someone to challenge it even for a second can help me be like 'nah, I'm just looking to spend money and I don't need to do that right now.'
 
In my defense, when I did Law & Order they were on sale for 28 dollars on Amazon.

But yeah, it would be reeeeeally easy to just switch my Classified collection to be based entirely on Disavowed.

What if Hasbro sees the thread and start reissuing them all with new Disavowed looks?

It's funny, before I started doing this I was just really into mashing up Classified with Alien/Predator (I was just looking at my action figure insta account and the only pics I posted for like a year were of those combinations) but now I'm just fully in on this concept in my own head, too.
 
Code Name: Nemesis Immortal
File Name: Unknown
Primary Military Specialty: N/A
Secondary Military Specialty: N/A
Birthplace: the lost city of Cobra-La, deep in the Himalayan Mountains
Rank: N/A

The only information the Lewis administration has about the organism we have identified as the Nemesis Enforcer comes from incomplete footage obtained by the BAT unit assigned to the Snow Serpent squad sent into the Himalayas to investigate an occult location known only to Lewis himself. Why it was so important that this location be investigated, even at the cost of a dozen lives, is a secret Lewis keeps to himself and even his most trusted advisors remain partially or entirely in the dark. What we know is: as the Snow Serpent team closed in on a deep fissure that had been previously undocumented and unexplored in the mountain range, they were set upon in the night by an enormous creature of monstrous strength. There were no survivors, though the BAT unit was able to capture a panicked, terrified firefight that turned into an abattoir. The Snow Serpents were torn limb from limb, as was the BAT, though the android's recording system was able to connect to a satellite signal and send back what footage survived the encounter. Rather than being dissuaded, the attack seemed to embolden Lewis, who has ordered another team prepped to follow up on what the first team found.

"The footage will make you believe Dracula was real. It'll make you believe in the Jersey Devil and dragons and Satan himself. Dead, emotionless eyes and a clenched jaw of something that is almost human but not, covered in the chitinous armor of an insect and wearing the bones of creatures that haven't walked this Earth in a million years, if they ever did. Great, leathery wings beating in the air like the heartbeat of an old god. It's so terrifying, so inhuman, you can almost tell yourself that the footage is from a horror film, that it's a prank, that it's special effects. But then you hear the screaming, and the sound of an arm popping out of its socket as muscle and tendon rip away like Christmas wrapping paper, and in the end you're left with the knowledge that we are not alone in this world. That monsters are real. And that the madman we've elected king wants to feed those monsters the blood of men who were once his loyal soldiers. I should burn these notes, I know. But someone should know what we found in those mountains. Because those things can't stay there forever. We woke them up. And they are angry."
Holy shit.
 
Code Name: Road Pig
File Name: DeLuca, Donald
Primary Military Specialty: N/A
Secondary Military Specialty: N/A
Birthplace: Goblu, Michigan
Rank: N/A

After taking office, Rexford Lewis severed ties with nearly all members of the Dreadnoks biker gang ad a precautionary measure - the gang, known for anarchic violence, was considered a public relations risk. Subject was among those gang members disavowed by Lewis and, predictably, simply followed the more dominant personalities among the Dreadnoks back into a life of crime more suited to their intellectual capacity. A man of terrifying stature and violence, surveillance was maintained on DeLuca as a precaution, but he appears to be content to go along with whatever actions the senior members of the gang pursue. Current assessment: no need for additional monitoring as he is always found amongst his peers; but should the Dreadnoks lash out, DeLuca is a prime candidate for immediate takedown as an example.

"There's a difference between being born mean and being made mean. Road Pig has been called every name in the book. Yes, he is big. Yes, he is scary. And by the most basic of standards, he is an ugly man. He has been called all of these things his entire life. Fat, ugly, stupid, and dangerous. But Road Pig is kind to animals, gentle, even, and is good with children - he is often the voice of reason when the Dreadnoks get deeply into a scheme making sure there are no kids at risk due to their actions. (He has no qualms about hurting adults, and takes almost comedic pleasure in harming people in authority roles, like law enforcement.) He is a man who was told he was a monster his entire life, and decided along the way that being the monster people expect him to be was easier than proving them wrong. Nature did not make him a monster. We did. And, naturally, the same people who taught him cruelty thought it best to harness that cruelty and make a weapon out of it. Of all our little birdies, Road Pig is perhaps the most tragic. He never stood a chance."
 
Man. Not what I expected, but in a good way. Is the commentary Zarana?
I'm not sure if it's Zarana or Zartan, but it's one of them. I was reading all of Road Pig's file cards and they're all 'he's so fat and mean, look out for the mean fat guy" and yet the Classified figure comes with a well-cared-for dog and Road Pig's non-expressive face looks honestly kinda gentle and sad. And it got me thinking about how we sometimes become the thing the world tells us we are. Road Pig looks like a monster, and he probably is one, with a trail of bodies behind him, but what if he's the one who outlives the rest of the 'noks and disappears, living in some trailer park in Arizona in peace with Rawkus in his old age? If you're lucky you outlive your sins. Maybe he's the one who does.
 
Yeah, agreed with the sentiment of 'did not expect that, but it's fantastic.' I really love the idea of RP being both exactly as bad as he seems, and simultaneously not nearly as bad as he seems. Can you see RP dying as he throws himself in front of a kid that got caught up in their nonsense during a shootout? I can NOW, but couldn't even twenty minutes ago. That's why the world needs writers.


For what it's worth, that card feels more like Zarana's voice than Zartan's. Not sure why.
 
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