D’aww I liked D&W well enough, even though Tatum was wretched. He wasn’t any worse than in any other thing he’s terrible in, though. I’d rather watch him in this than in one of those dippy 21 Jump Street movies.
My complaint for today is that a client was really mean to me behind my back but accidentally not behind my back.
I’ve been treating this serious addiction case, trying to taper off bad stuff. This client was my first new client for my new business, as opposed to the clients I took with me from the place I used to work. Client is having a rough go, and I’ve been seeing them since October. Monday, they had trouble signing in for their weekly virtual appointment, then yesterday they sent a terse text asking me to cancel the next appointment. I said sure see you the week after, and they were like “I’ll tell you when I want another one”. Red flag. I asked if anything was wrong, they said all was well, so I said no worries and I’d keep the file open until they were ready to get back to it. All that is pretty normal, it’s the holidays and I get a lot of cancellations at this time and a lot of ambiguity about future schedules.
BUT.
I woke up this morning and my work number has a text from like 3am. It was the client, and it was a screenshot of our conversation and then words to the effect of “I cancelled further sessions, he wants money more than to help people”. I’m guessing this was meant for their “sober coach” who they say they meet with daily. Now that’s another red flag: a lot of those “coaches” are running soft cons to keep vulnerable addicts on the hook. And I know that addicts are resistant, and the client did say they were struggling with the taper last time we talked.
But fuck: that hurt.
Without going too much into it, helping addicts is a personal quest for me, I take it very seriously and I desperately just want to help and would absolutely do all this for free if I could. And also without going too much into it, I am really struggling getting my client base up where I want it because my old boss MAJORLY screwed me on my way out, sold my old office out from under me and turned off her referrals to me before I was even licensed: she was hella shady, but dammit I worked for her for five years, giving her half my income (as is customary for associate therapists working for licensed therapists in private practice). Every client counts right now, and to lose one like this, one who really needs me and who somehow got seriously poisoned against me, I don’t know what to do with that. Add to that my wife was laid off from her job a few months ago and has been laboring in retail for the holidays with no guarantee of even keeping that shitty job, and it’s a lot.
But mostly, I’m crushed that this client in need would come to think I didn’t really want to help. I thought we had a great therapeutic relationship, my “therapy radar” has never been so off before. I keep telling myself that addicts are volatile and this person is likely getting bad advice. But it still stings so hard. I even sent a reply text acknowledging I saw what they accidentally sent me and basically bending over backwards to make it right, which I really shouldn’t do because I’m supposed to have iron-clad boundaries and actually be kinda cold or even ignore this kind of thing.
But, like, this poor human is in a desperate struggle for their life.
All I wanted to do was help.
And now I’m trapped in the rain, another client is gonna call rather than show up because they basically ran away from home last night. I’m feeling incredibly down and honestly kinda hopeless.