Quitting/putting collecting on pause

Nice to see I'm not the only PAC (passive aggressive collector). All the lines I either couldn't afford to collect as a kid, or was specifically told I couldn't (my dad said boys weren't supposed to play with action figures of girls- even more action-oriented ones like Jedi, etc.), so now I make it a point to pick up things I always had my eye on through the years. It really does help put to rest a certain part of me that I didn't even know was still lingering. There's that lonely kid who used toys as a means of expression, which led to my love of acting and writing (had to improvise a lot of play scenarios, since I never had any female figures to play with unless I snuck stuff from my sister's room). There's also the poor kid who looked at the toy aisle longingly, seeing all the stuff he wanted but could never have because it was just his mom working 3 jobs to provide for the family. I've tried so hard to please both of those sides, and I more than have. I don't think I realized that those parts of me, while they'll always be there, were satiated a long time ago.

But, like others, I'm moving more into the "responsible collecting" phase. There were a lot of whim purchases, where I got something just because it looked cool on the shelf, or I'd buy every new variant of a character. It was way more "quantity than quality". I didn't have folks over to my place often for a multitude of reasons, but every time I did, they'd always say "You have so much cool stuff", or "It's like a museum of toys!", and I got a kick out of that. But there's a very fine line between having a lot of stuff and having too much stuff. Before, I had too much- half of what I had was stowed away in a closet because I live in NY and simply don't have the room for it. Every now and then I'd go through things and forget that I had something, or, having not displayed it for a while (if ever), wondered why I ever got it in the first place.

Lately, with everything going on in the world, not to mention my own health problems, my family's health problems, losing some close friends and family, and I had a similar reflective period as a lot of you guys, it seems. I lost my grandpa a couple years ago, who was very much a kid at heart, and I realize more and more how much I looked up to him as a father figure over my own dad. My grandpa had no issue collecting things that brought him joy (granted, he wasn't ever strapped for cash either), and going through his things after he passed and hearing my cousin explain what he kept and why really flipped something in me. If and when people go through all my things after I pass, I want them to be able to know who I was, how I felt, what brought me joy, etc. I don't want them to see a mess of stuff and ask "Why did he have this?" My grandpa had a lot of stuff, but everything had a reason and a purpose, and I ended up learning a lot more about him from going through it all.

No day is ever guaranteed, so it's important to live a life that brings you joy, regardless of what others feel about it. Now, I used to have that mindset, which fueled the "just go ahead and get it" attitude I had with toys, but now I've reached the flip side of that mindset, which is "Even if it brings you joy, if it's going to eventually stress you out, don't get it." I do my best to not let my initial excitement at finding something get the best of me- I wait for sales, I compare prices, etc. There's definitely that hit of collecting dopamine we get when we see something in person for the first time that signals us to get it, even if we don't want it or can't afford it right away. That, combined with the FOMO, has lied to me one too many times, and I'm finally at a clear enough headspace where I can fight through it. I've been embarrassed more times than I can count by thinking something will sell out and not be available, only for it to either pegwarm or hit a major sale down the road.

I love being surrounded by cool stuff, but I want to be able to appreciate each and every thing and its meaning for me. I had so much stuff before that I couldn't see most of it on my shelves, even with tiers or risers. I've recently gone through and gotten rid of a lot of extras, and if anything, it's made me appreciate what's left even more. It cleared up room for me to be able to finally pose a lot of the figures, which brings out even more character and makes me love them all the more. So I feel silly that I convinced myself all those years that I'd be so sad if I ever parted with X thing, but if anything, it feels like a weight off my shoulders.

While I'm certainly as worried as anyone about the future of collecting, I do have that newfound love and appreciation again. While I certainly don't want prices to go up, I do think it would only help me appreciate things even more in a roundabout way. I'm now in the "adult collector" phase, take of that what you will, and I'm finding it's a comfy place to be.
 
TheSameIdiot said:
but it's not lost on me that it'll be my job if she doesn't.
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I've basically resigned myself to this. And just selling off her house the moment I can. I don't care if I even make money of it. I'll pay somebody just to get rid of it. The only reason I'm even thinking of dealing with it at all is because, given my mom's dogs have taken to peeing indoors now (they're very old, were never well housebroken, and she can't move around fast enough to let them out all the time) the house is probably an actual biohazard.

She's done a lot of stuff to try to make me take the house when she dies, to live in it or use it as a rental property because she thinks that will provide financial stability, but all the financial stability in the world won't be worth one more second dealing with that landfill than I have to.
 
You guys. This thread. Ya' know?

It's interesting to me because I was thinking of making a similar topic and here we are (and it took me several trips back here to get through everyone's posts, because you guys are all so thoughtful up in here right now). And I find that I'm in a similar space to many of you.

I'm existing in this weird headspace where I find joy in toys so I don't want to get rid of them all, but also I am feeling suffocated by them - mentally, financially, and spacially? Is that a word? I've honestly considered getting rid of all of it. Several, several times. Sometimes a couple times a week I mull it over. But the reality doesn't change that I LIKE them, even as I kind of hate them sometimes.

A lot of my action figures are in bins right now because I just got sick of the way they were displayed. It was always either too few figures to grab me, or so many that everything felt really cluttered and I started to hate it. I have maybe 8-10 figures currently out on display (mostly amongst the books downstairs on my two bookcases - and my wife has stuff on her bookcase) and a couple of figures up here in my bedroom. Everything else is stored.

So I don't need it, right? That's what I tell myself. If all that stuff can spend so much time in bins, then obviously it doesn't mean enough to me to really have to keep it. So I go through the trouble of emptying the bins out completely and meticulously going through the figures so I can decide which handful mean the MOST to me, and I'll keep those.

I end up basically just repacking the bins. I've already gone through so many purges that everything in those bins are things I like and want, and I can't bring myself to get rid of them even if I barely see them. Because when I do take them out, I remember how much I like them and tell myself one day I'll display them again. Will I, or am I just delaying the next purge? I genuinely don't know.

The economy definitely isn't helping. I find my love of the collection simmers a bit when I can't add much to it, and I'm not adding very much these days. I make good money and we're never in danger of bills not being paid. But my wife is ill, leaving me as the sole provider since Covid (actually before that - but we were planning for her to work again when my son was a bit older). Even making decent money, I have to be careful. Being frivolous and spending without thinking could cause us issues for sure. And I can't afford to buy us a 16,000 sqft mansion. Which means the space I have for my collection is always going to be limited.
When my son was born, I lost my toy room, and it's going to stay that way until a kid moves out or I can afford a four-bedroom. In this economy? Not fucking likely. When I got together with my wife a 'starter home' around here was about 175k. Now the same home is 420k. We're not getting a big ass house any time soon.

So I buy more toys, and either they go into storage or something else gets moved into storage to make room. Not because I can't put ANYTHING out, but because I just end up hating the WAY I have to put it out. And it definitely sucks. It feels silly sometimes, even if I like what I'm buying, to keep adding to the problem, as it were. Especially staring headlong into a complete financial collapse -- then it doesn't just feel silly, it starts to feel wildly irresponsible. Being able to afford it NOW doesn't mean I won't regret it later.


I've taken steps, at least. I'm way more careful with what I buy than I once was in my days of having near-complete collections of Star Wars Vintage, DCUC, G.I. Joe 25A, MOTUC, Marvel Universe (lol), etc etc etc. I'm pulled way back and I do find I'm pretty good about only buying stuff that really matters to me these days. But I have a system for it. I actually save pictures of new toys to my computer - and I go back and look at them fairly often, slowly deleting pictures of things where that 'OOH, THAT'S COOL!' shine has started to wear off just from repeated viewing. That helps counter the impulse pre-ordering I used to be really bad for with any toy that just looked cool or fun.

I'm down to a few different lines, and I'm not even a half-completionist with any of them. Still - it hasn't stopped feeling like both not enough and far too much at the same time and I do wonder if the thing that brings my joy is actually bringing me down more than I enjoy it. And I can't really know the answer unless I get rid of it all.
That being said - the toy market in Canada fucking sucks. If I were to ever sell all of my toys off, I would make so much less than it would cost me to re-collect them all again. Guaranteed. So if I do it.. it's done and there's really no turning back.



It's worth mentioning that toys aren't my only collection and that's also a problem. I love historical weapons and I've gotten back into that somewhat recently. Books, video games, gaming miniatures and paints.... I spend a lot of money on stuff that isn't toys -in addition to- all the toys. The toys are probably just the only thing I struggle so much with in terms of 'what do I do with all this stuff.' A single thousand-dollar sword just feels very different to me than a thousand dollars worth of action figures spread across a shelf somewhere, if that makes any sense. I dunno. I'm rambling now and I don't even know if I, or you, are getting anything out of this.
 
TheSameIdiot said:
I was thinking we might need a pet thread. I have three cats myself.
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I don't have the wherewithal to do the level of self-introspection this thread is bringing up in others (which I love reading, not making fun at all!) but I'd be all. over. a pet thread sharing pictures of my two pups.
 
cmoney said:
My collection has always been a big source of shame for me, to the point that I never tell anyone about it and have only one friend who has actually been inside my home.
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That sucks, dude. I feel fortunate that I've never felt that way except maybe when I was like 14-15 and didn't want girlfriends or whatever to see my toys and think I was immature. As an adult, though -- never cared. I tell anyone that I collect toys. What are they gonna do? Not like me? Pfft. I'm super cool - who wouldn't like me?! You're super cool, too. Don't have to hide the stuff that makes you cooler.

Also, I'm down with a pet thread. We have four cats. The new one is young and fat and I call him Chonkster all the time even though that's not his name and my wife can't stop me no matter how hard she tries.
 
cmoney said:
My collection has always been a big source of shame for me, to the point that I never tell anyone about it and have only one friend who has actually been inside my home.
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I'm apprehensive about letting people into my house, like repairmen. I've gotten really handy just so I don't have to have anyone in here. They'd probably think it was cool but there would be that brief awkward moment where I didn't know whether to explain the whole thing or just play it off like it was no big deal.

Most of the people I work with know about it but none of them have been to my house so I don't think they grasp the severity of the collection. Like honestly the hardest thing to admit to you all here is that I have a few action figure bookcases in my bedroom. I don't know why that feels so much worse than having them in the extra bedrooms but it does. It just feels very childish I guess? Like I feel like your bedroom should be the last bastion of your adulthood when you have let the collection take over everything else. So yeah, I've never admitted that anywhere. I feel so vulnerable now! 😂
 
cmoney said:
My collection has always been a big source of shame for me, to the point that I never tell anyone about it and have only one friend who has actually been inside my home.
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Nah, heck with that. I used to have a lot of mixed feelings about my collecting, but eventually I realized, y'know what? I'm an adult. I work a job. I pay my taxes. I'm a responsible member of society in all the ways you're supposed to be. What I do with my disposable income isn't just my prerogative, it's not anyone else's right to criticize. Not only that, but I discovered something really, really cool. I started to actively force myself to own and talk about my hobbies in a sincere, enthusiastic way with folks. Even if it's scary, you just force yourself to talk about it as if it's the coolest thing in the world to you.

You know what happened? It got folks around me to start talking about their stuff. Sometimes it's toys, which is great, but sometimes it's other stuff, like cosplay, or rock collecting, or taking apart home electronics. And it turns out we all feel that way about *something*, and the more sincere I am about my loves, the more other folks are sincere about theirs, and the more we all get to talk about it.

Fearless sincerity is the death of shame. I like this stuff because it's cool. If it wasn't cool, why would -I- like it? If it wasn't cool, why would -you- like it? You've got taste, just like everybody else, you don't like stuff that isn't cool, and if other folks don't think it's cool, it's because they imagine it incorrectly. And that's a hurdle for them to get over, not you. It's on them to imagine why you like the thing, not on you to justify it.
 
Justice said:
I'm apprehensive about letting people into my house, like repairmen. I've gotten really handy just so I don't have to have anyone in here.
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I've actually had multiple repair men comment on my collection favorably, usually because they see something they recognize and they're like "Yo, is that Destro!?" (an actual thing that happened in my last apartment) Repair men, in my experience, either don't care at all what's in your place or love it, and nothing in-between.
 
I'm mostly comfortable with it, but I don't exactly broadcast that I collect toys because I'm keenly aware of the way it can color folks' perspective when they hear I collect so I have self-deprecating ways of spinning it when the subject comes up. I work in commercial film production so I had to swallow a fair amount of embarrassment when my previous boss asked if he could invite the client, cast, and crew into my house to shoot a scene, but I wasn't going to say no to $800. It doesn't bother me if my family, friends, or repairmen see my collection.

However, I say all this as a man who's been happily married for 17 years. If I were still single, I would absolutely have an action figure drawer of shame that few women would get to see. I remember what Liz Lemon said about men who collect toys.
 
When I first had to give up my toy room for my son, I wasn't ready to give up having all that space. So, since we've never had a TV in our bedroom, I turned an entire wall into just shelves and had my entire MOTUC collection taking up one wall of my bedroom. I still have a few toys in my bedroom. Because it's my fucking bedroom and I'll do what I want with it.

But shortly after I set all that up (it's all gone now - just because I decided I hated the way it looked having a bunch of crowded toy shelves across from my bed - so now I have a few more strategically-placed figures in the bedroom and I like that more) I had a repairman come into the bedroom to fix the ceiling where we'd had a water leak. I'll never forget that guy apologizing to me (which he didn't have to do because I also work in construction and you can't offend me) because he walked into the room, turned his head, and went 'OH FUCK DUDE, IS THAT FUCKING HE-MAN?!'

After he apologized, and I said he didn't need to, and he said it was just a company rule they're not only not supposed to use foul language, but they're also not supposed to comment on peoples' homes or possessions, we got into a pretty long talk about how 'He-Man is back.' I explained to him what MOTUC was, and he was fucking taking notes on where he could go buy them and what the line was called. It was awesome.
He didn't collect toys. He'd never even considered the idea of buying toys as an adult until he was standing in my bedroom holding a MOTUC Stratos and losing his absolute mind. You could SEE the imagination and wonder in him re-awakening. It was crazy and really special. I hope that guy bought a bunch of MOTUC figures and enjoyed the fuck out of them.

And yeah - I definitely don't say this to shame anyone else or act like I'm better than anyone else. But I would set my own dick on fire before I'd ever let myself be ashamed of the stuff I have in my own house that I take joy in.


Also, if it makes any of you guys feel better; I am a person that collects action figures, real swords (not stainless steel fantasy stuff from the mall), and books. Let me tell you - the few negative comments I've gotten about the things I collect were actually never about the action figures. Figure that out.
 
Damien said:
After he apologized, and I said he didn't need to, and he said it was just a company rule they're not only not supposed to use foul language, but they're also not supposed to comment on peoples' homes or possessions, we got into a pretty long talk about how 'He-Man is back.' I explained to him what MOTUC was, and he was fucking taking notes on where he could go buy them and what the line was called. It was awesome.
He didn't collect toys. He'd never even considered the idea of buying toys as an adult until he was standing in my bedroom holding a MOTUC Stratos and losing his absolute mind. You could SEE the imagination and wonder in him re-awakening. It was crazy and really special. I hope that guy bought a bunch of MOTUC figures and enjoyed the fuck out of them.
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That's the good shit right there. I've had similar experiences.
Damien said:
And yeah - I definitely don't say this to shame anyone else or act like I'm better than anyone else. But I would set my own dick on fire before I'd ever let myself be ashamed of the stuff I have in my own house that I take joy in.
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Absolutely. I don't want to come off as holier than thou either. I just don't think anybody here should have to hate themselves for this hobby. Like, honestly, it's a great litmus test for friendship (or any kind of relationship). Do your friends get behind your silly (harmless) obsessions? Then they're good friends. The people around you should be happy when you're happy. If they aren't, you need to be on the lookout for a better class of criminal, because they're out there.

One of my buddies is DEEP into transformers. Like, so deep he had the Bumblebee branded car from the first Bay movie. His now wife, when they met, was nerd-adjacent, but not at all into that stuff. Well, props to her, within like a year of them getting together she got her own car that was the Decepticon version (can't recall which Transformer it was supposed to be). Since they're both making bank at their jobs and don't plan on having kids, they've got an amazing toy room in their house that both contribute too. Squad goals as they say.

Life's too short to not share your joy with like-minded folks.
 
I don't think I've ever felt shame with my toys, and during my slutty single years, I actually had two mannequins in the living room with my Fett and Vader costumes on. So anyone I brought over probably never even noticed my McFsrlane movie monsters, toybiz LOTR figures, or 3 3/4 star wars figures because of the life-size ones looming.

My adult collection has always been constantly fluctuating, and there's probably some kinda link there with how I lived my life. Before I met my wife, I moved every year or two, since I was six years old. I always said I was a potted plant. And as an adult toy collector, I would collect stuff as much as I wanted, then sell off some to make room for the new thing I was into. When we started having kids, I also gave up my toy room for the kids and moved it all into the bedroom, which also served to limit my focus some. Which I was perfectly fine with. I sold the Vader costume as well (I never actually even worn it as I'm too short heh), and both mannequins. If the kids ever move out, I will probably have a toy room again and get a new mannequin for my Fett costume, but right now I'm happy with having one wall dedicated to Black Series, Classified, and Legends, with a little glass case for my Neca stuff and the like, a long with three Fett helmets mounted. But like I said, I've been rotating things in and out for many years now. I know I'll never really quit though. Part of me wants to, especially when I have bouts of depression, but it's more reasonable to just limit myself. I could have shelves clustered with every figure of a line I can name together, or have a cool focus that brings me joy every morning I wake up looking in that direction. Like my MCU figures aren't everyone that's appeared but rather just movie versions of my favorite characters from Secret Wars and Dark Reign, the big comic plotlines that got me into marvel as a kid and back into marvel as an adult, respectively. Makes me happier than a sea so crowded I can barely make out anyone unless I get in close. My son and my mom both enjoy coming to speak with me and getting distracted by the shelves and discussing them with me. I also share the repairman getting into discussing my collection with me story.

I dunno, I've been evaluating my motives and wants for a while really, and really trying to determine priority for many aspects of my life that bring me joy or anxiety. It can get complicated and I'm always striving to make certain things easy, particularly hobbies. I tend to throw myself into things I enjoy or care about pretty hard and I'm trying to be more selective about which areas I apply that approach to.

Right now I'm in Ireland with my wife and kids and it's really affecting my perspective, which is something I'd hoped for. In a positive way I mean. I dunno, it's kinda like every several years I sort of have to get to know myself again. Not severely, but definitely evaluate what I want and should be doing with myself. What's important. My family really gives me joy, and its not like we were estranged or something drastic, but having this time together I think is really refocusing all of us in a really wonderful way. And once we're back, I'm sure we'll all get back into our work and school and friends hobbies and love interests etc, and our family time isn't going to be as intense or concentrated, but I'm hoping it's more consistent and not as susceptible to distractions, while also recognizing we all need our 'me' stuff. I'd rather the kids stay as long as they need to even once adults than get a toy room back, heh.

I dunno. Pretty much just vomiting thoughts out when I should be sleeping and adjusting to the time zone difference.
 
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