G.I. Joe Classified Series: The Chatty Pointless Thread & Performance Art

I finally opened the AWE striker, and I think I like it more then the Vamp. My only quibble is the passenger machine gun looks so dinky. Like they stole it from a Chap Mei set. Off to Gridiron is suppose.
 
Revox said:
Mainframe's a fuckin' computer nerd, I'm fine with him being a manlet as long as he can carry his big ass laptop.

Have they said anything about doing Repeater yet? I need steadicamgun man in my life. The only rumour I've heard of late is Bombstrike, woo.
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Oh damn, really?! That's great if they do her
 
docsilence said:
Hey here's a question for the more knowledgable folks out there - what the hell is Wetsuit's pistol called? I want to look at one in real life and I don't know what to search for. It simultaneously looks legit and real but also like maybe Han Solo has one on the Falcon in a desk drawer.
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Ru got to it before me. It's an SPP-1 Underwater pistol that was made by the Russians, so it's weird to see used by a Joe.

It doesn't fire the traditional slug round. It fires, essentially, a small arrow. It also doesn't have a standard magazine. Each arrow is loaded in to replaceable barrels.

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It's very weird. Like I said, it's Russian, and hasn't really been used outside of that western block of countries (Georgia, Serbia, Ukraine).
 
To be fair, lots of the Joe weapons don't make tons of sense from a practical standpoint. Like, why does Dusty use a FAMAS? A US special forces soldier with a French rifle that has, as far as I know, never seen service in any branch of the US military at any time. And it's not known for being a GREAT weapon, to the point where maybe you could argue the best of the best of the best would demand access to it even if it would be considered unconventional.

But like.. apparently Dusty was just deployed in Chad or something one day and was like 'oh hey, that rifle some people are using looks like it's from a video game so I definitely want it.'

I guess I'll give them at least they have rifles with real world counterparts.
 
There's no way to know but I'd guess it could all be something as simple as them coming across these things over the course of their deployments over the years and just really liking them so sod it, we're specialists, we can use whatever we like as long as there's enough funds in our budget to procure some ammo for them.
 
Yeah, that's kind of how I've always looked at it anyway. Joes are ultra-specialists and can use anything that gets the job done. That's definitely the 'fantasy' explanation that probably suits most of us. I don't think there's a good 'realistic' explanation for some of these weapons because they're a mix of not-even-real weapons and foreign-used or old-tech weapons that the US government would just never spend the money and resources to support, no matter how special you are or how much you like something. The logistics to do that just don't exist.
 
That's kind of how I hand wave it, too - they're all weirdos with very specific specialties and tastes and if they want to use XYZ weapon, why not, they're getting the job done. Like I absolutely could see Wetsuit seeing someone use one of those glorified spearguns and being like "oh, I LIKE that" and going out to get one for himself.
 
ugh imagine getting shot in the belly by that arrow gun while underwater 🤮 it ain't no blue laser that's for sure!
 
I guess it makes the most sense to leave the other thread strictly for news and such, so it's easy to navigate for those that don't want all the chatter? In which case...

After two angry emails, TForce 'found' my package and delivered it today. Slice, Dice, and Desert Scorpion. These are three of the things I have been most excited about since this line started. Slice and Dice were two of my favorite named bad guys in all of Cobra and they were in -every- battle from the time they came out until the time I stopped playing with ARAH Joes. Desert Scorpion is always on my top 10 ARAH figures ever. LOVED him as a kid. So... big day for me.

Opening Slice and Dice first and just wanted to shoot out some quick impressions while I mess with them.

Dice is straight-up the superior figure. I think I love everything about him except his hands (really disappointed they sculpted brand new gripping hands for him and still went with fucking horizontal wrist hinges and trigger fingers.. what the fuck, Hasbro?). I also don't love how they did the shoulder-guards/whatever in a way where there's no butterfly joint.
Besides that, I love him so much. The design hits all the notes of the ARAH figure and doesn't seem, by memory, to take too many liberties. Even the painted-on skin of the mask doesn't actually bother me from most angles. The dragon mask is brilliant so I'll have to find somewhere I can use it, because it will never replace his vintage-style mask. And his weapons are painted a very nice silver, even if his guandao is actually kind of short.

So what the fuck happened with Slice? It's almost like a completely separate team with a separate design philosophy worked on Slice compared to Dice. They changed the ARAH clothing deco - which was SO uniquely Slice. They slapped ugly, stupid fucking armor all over him AND made it part of the figure so you can't even choose to remove it. And then they shoved his hideous, unpainted primer-grey swords into the package right next to Dice's beautiful silver weapons. What. The. Actual. Fuck.
Like.. are they just trolling Ninja Force fans with this? I can't see any other reasonable explanation that anyone important at Hasbro could look at that two-pack and be like 'yup, this is what we're going for -- really want to show off the best work we do and the worst bullshit we pull side-by-side in one box.' Fucking Christ.

This pisses me off something fierce because there's what.. like a 3% chance we ever see classic red Slice in this line ever again? This isn't Snake Eyes or Destro. We can't count on them coming back around to give us a different crack at it. He definitely feels like a one-and-done, and this is the shit they take on my carpet.


Ugh. I know. I'm on a whole tear about this. But guys... one of my favorite named Cobra. Just, ugh.

I'm considering popping him apart to see if the Budo samurai gear fits on this body, but I also really don't want to NOT have something approaching the classic Slice on the shelf with Dice, so I'm undecided (and maybe it won't work, don't know if the body armor will fit on him).


Also, the straw hat feels kind of useless, as does the fabric... flap with the cute little bedazzle on it. Maybe for a different character, or in a different line it will find a home. I'mma have to paint these stupid grey weapons, though. That's for sure.
 
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