You Ever Get Tired of This?

[JakeEkiss]

I guess what bugs me isn't "I spent too much on this stupid thing" but "life is too busy and housing is too expensive to enjoy the stuff I love." So I guess I'm tired of life more than I'm tired of collecting.

I feel this deeply. I'm not ashamed of or looking to exit my hobbies, I just want some more relaxed hours in the day to really enjoy them. I'm trying to correct that right now and working on intentionally carving out a lot more "me" time in my life. Today is one of those days in fact. I woke up and decided I was due a mental health day off from work and took it. I got Rachel Phoenix in the mail yesterday and still need to open her, and I'm going to spend a good portion of today just enjoying the new toy.

I let myself get shamed out of geeky stuff by the women in my life in my 20s, spent my 30s just sort of pretending I didn't care, and now in my 40s I sometimes wonder if I were single again how I'd explain away all this crap that I love, but also I'm at an age where I feel like I got the last chopper out of 'nam with relationships and would probably be happily alone for whatever time I have left so I wouldn't need to worry about it.

Man, it's definitely almost the end of the year, I'm at my peak "life is simultaneously too short and too long" mental state...

I'm really lucky in that I haven't been with anybody who shamed me for my hobbies in a looong time. Now I've been single for a bit and I've settled into my middle age. If I'm ever dating again she's either going to be a companion in my hobbies or at worst someone who doesn't care. Anything else just isn't worth the effort. It's too late in the game to feel like I need to perform some version of adulthood just to keep up appearances. I pay my taxes. I work a job. I put money into savings. I do the boring grown up bullshit and my free time is for whatever I want.

 

[Ru1977]

Coming back to the "you said you wanted it" concept... that new Black Series Boba Fett, the BOBF Daimyo figure? Yes I want that and have since the show started, and I'm sure everyone who knows me here and in person isn't surprised by it, but I refuse to get it. I am in two different secret santa exchanges (one on my wife's side, one on my side) and thought "well, I could add him and someone will DEFINITELY buy that for me", and that pissed me off imagining someone wasting their money on it on my behalf. (I'm sorry for anyone still excited for that figure, but I have my feelings on it.) So, no, not even as a gift do I want the figure I should totally want. Yes I could get him and paint him to be accurate, but fuck that. I'll wait for Hasbro to do it, or go without.

And I guess I'm pretty lucky that I've never had someone I was with try to get me out of collecting or shame me in some manner. My high school gf was the only person I've dated who also collected, but ever since I was able to wear something to school besides a Catholic School uniform, I've held my nerd flag as high as possible. Always star wars and comic shirts, along with band ones in high school heh. My wife always tells people about the first time she came to my place and I showed her my Boba Fett and Vader mannequins because anyone I ever dated, I immediately wanted them to know what I'm about. And I guess that's another thing, collecting feels like such a part of me. I remember a few years after ROTS, I got soured on Star Wars in general and wondered if I was even a fan anymore. One of my few friends from high school's jaw dropped when I mentioned that. But if I stop collecting, I can still love all these things I love, I just am not broadcasting it as severely. I'll still have t-shirts and such but I dunno. Could lead to a bit of an identity crisis, but maybe not in a bad way.

 

[RicksNerdLife]

I do fall back on that a lot, myself.

Collecting is so deep in my identity, that if I were to stop, who am I? This is my hobby. This is what I love. And if I don't have it, what do I do with myself?

But then I look at the fact that I have my collection now spilling over into my office, and I am currently super cluttered in my nerd room that I can barely walk through, and I think "I am someone with OCD who has a hard time of letting things go, is who I am".

I might be one step away from a hoarder, to be honest.

 

[Ru1977]

Anyone remember that show that lasted like half a season, Collection Intervention?

 

[Damien]

I guess what bugs me isn't "I spent too much on this stupid thing" but "life is too busy and housing is too expensive to enjoy the stuff I love." So I guess I'm tired of life more than I'm tired of collecting.

I feel you on this. Definitely feels like things in general are so miserable that it's hard to look at something I spend money on and be -happy- about it. Tired is a good word.

Today is one of those days in fact. I woke up and decided I was due a mental health day off from work and took it.

I don't even know what that's like anymore. The only time off I'll get is when we close the company from Christmas to New Year, and even then it's not a guarantee I can just unplug entirely. Still gotta keep the phone handy, and I'm sure there will be things to deal with in that time. But it's the most 'no work' time I get all year. At this point, I'm counting the minutes.

I'll wait for Hasbro to do it, or go without.

To be fair, that is a bit different from just straight up not buying something you said you'd buy. I feel like all of us are putting an invisible ink caveat beside all of our wish-listing of "if it's good." That's when it really sucks. When you said you'd buy a thing, and it comes out and it's great and everyone is like 'this is a fantastic figure' and you still opt out. That's, for me at least, when I feel guilty about saying I'd buy it and then not doing it.
I feel no guilt at all about not buying a bad figure.

And I guess I'm pretty lucky that I've never had someone I was with try to get me out of collecting or shame me in some manner. My high school gf was the only person I've dated who also collected, but ever since I was able to wear something to school besides a Catholic School uniform, I've held my nerd flag as high as possible.

I've said before that this is also something I've never experienced. The women I've been with as an adult are also into nerdy stuff, two of which are/were action figure collectors. I think I only had maybe two or three girlfriends during my 'dark period' where I stopped toy collecting in favour of the teenage typicals like clothes and music. So those girlfriends.. .who knows how they would have felt. Every other girl has been fine with, or actively enjoyed, my collection of nonsense.
And I wouldn't have it any other way because I am who I am and I'm not looking to be someone else for anybody. I don't know how people survive who have to tiptoe their hobbies around their SOs.

 

[Ru1977]

To be fair, that is a bit different from just straight up not buying something you said you'd buy. I feel like all of us are putting an invisible ink caveat beside all of our wish-listing of "if it's good." That's when it really sucks. When you said you'd buy a thing, and it comes out and it's great and everyone is like 'this is a fantastic figure' and you still opt out. That's, for me at least, when I feel guilty about saying I'd buy it and then not doing it.
I feel no guilt at all about not buying a bad figure.

You're right, you're right. I think the ones I usually opt out of despite being great are usually exclusives for some reason, even when they're one that hasn't sold out when I go to look. Just something at that point makes me realize 'nah'.

I've said before that this is also something I've never experienced. The women I've been with as an adult are also into nerdy stuff, two of which are/were action figure collectors. I think I only had maybe two or three girlfriends during my 'dark period' where I stopped toy collecting in favour of the teenage typicals like clothes and music. So those girlfriends.. .who knows how they would have felt. Every other girl has been fine with, or actively enjoyed, my collection of nonsense.

Yeah, I think usually women I've dated were kinda into it. Not enough to join in, but there's probably something... not quite charming but probably "aw, adorable like a kid" about it for me, I dunno. I had a baby face for ages and it was probably my primary asset in such matters.

And I wouldn't have it any other way because I am who I am and I'm not looking to be someone else for anybody. I don't know how people survive who have to tiptoe their hobbies around their SOs.

Same. I think one of the guys on Banthaskull would sneak purchases through a basement window or something? but yeah, the "am who I am" thing has always been my attitude as well. Fuck it.

 

[TheSameIdiot]

I don't even know what that's like anymore. The only time off I'll get is when we close the company from Christmas to New Year, and even then it's not a guarantee I can just unplug entirely. Still gotta keep the phone handy, and I'm sure there will be things to deal with in that time. But it's the most 'no work' time I get all year. At this point, I'm counting the minutes.

Brother, we gotta get you a new job.

 

[TheSameIdiot]

Same. I think one of the guys on Banthaskull would sneak purchases through a basement window or something? but yeah, the "am who I am" thing has always been my attitude as well. Fuck it.

The sign of a healthy relationship.

 

[JakeEkiss]

Still gotta keep the phone handy, and I'm sure there will be things to deal with in that time. But it's the most 'no work' time I get all year. At this point, I'm counting the minutes.

Oh yeah, I should clarify. The library operates 24/7 during long semesters and regardless of why I'm out people will still message me. So like, I've actually handled 3 small work things today even though I'm out "sick", but being able to at least not be in the office actively tackling long term projects is some level of relaxing. Christmas to New Year we're also totally closed so usually, *usually* that's also the time of year where I can fully, totally disconnect (though I have had student employees message me on Christmas morning freaking about about scheduling). I'll take my pseudo days off though.

 

[TheRealSmallville]

I let myself get shamed out of geeky stuff by the women in my life in my 20s, spent my 30s just sort of pretending I didn't care, and now in my 40s I sometimes wonder if I were single again how I'd explain away all this crap that I love, but also I'm at an age where I feel like I got the last chopper out of 'nam with relationships and would probably be happily alone for whatever time I have left so I wouldn't need to worry about it.

Man, it's definitely almost the end of the year, I'm at my peak "life is simultaneously too short and too long" mental state...

I've been there. I'm fortunate my longer lasting relationships didn't have anyone shaming me, but some of the shorter ones did. Little snide remarks hidden as sarcasm or "jokes". The woman I'm with now is also a collector, and she's mostly to blame for reigniting my passion in collecting because she never tells me no lol And not out of some strange "I'm the man she's the woman" thing, either, she just literally is my worst (greatest?) enabler.

I feel you on the last chopper routine as well...I feel like I've got a good one now, but I also know in my bones that if we ever split or if she passed away, I'm not starting over again. I've been married and divorced, and this one is my final one. I came to the realization a few years back that I have a companion now because I want one, not because I need one. I had confused the two in the past, but I'm clear on it now. If I ever found myself single again, that's all she wrote for me and relationships and I'll be just fine alone. I have no interest in EVER having to ask someone "what's your favorite color" again.

 

[RicksNerdLife]

I have been with my wife since we were both 19. I luckily hit the jackpot in that she never once shat on this habit, and has actually embraced it.

The year we met, the Ang Lee Hulk movie had just come out. She bought the tickets. That first Christmas, she bought me a Hellboy movie poster signed by Ron Perlman. The following summer, she took me to KB Toys and bought me 300 bucks worth of Toy Biz Lord of the Rings figures. She was the one to recommend a local toy shop fhat we visit. She goes on toy hunts with me, smiles and laughs at how giddy I get at shows like PowerCon.

She loves Dr. Who, Battlestar Galactica, and Firefly, and Marvel movies, so she is not without her nerdoms, but it's obviously not to this level.

Overall, she encourages my hobby, but only suggests for me to rein it in and discusses the pros and cons of a purchase with me, rarely if ever in attempts to dissuade me, but just knowing how I am. She loves the fact that I could be doing a million other things, all things that she abhors or could give less of a shit about-- but in this little hobby is a degree of innocence, for the most part.

Those are ON TOP of the unconditional love and support she has given me for the last 23 years. And trust me, she has had plenty of reasons to give up on me and walk away with my mental health issues. But she's always there.

So she's not replaceable. She's just not. This is it for me. She decided to leave me, or God forbid something happens, that's it for Rick. I end up dying alone. With my little plastic people.

 

[Ru1977]

Those are ON TOP of the unconditional love and support she has given me for the last 23 years. And trust me, she has had plenty of reasons to give up on me and walk away with my mental health issues. But she's always there.

So she's not replaceable. She's just not. This is it for me. She decided to leave me, or God forbid something happens, that's it for Rick. I end up dying alone. With my little plastic people.

I definitely empathize with all of this hard. As far as mental health issues go, I actually gave my wife some clear indications before we moved in together and she had a firm grasp by the time I proposed, and it's something she's maneuvered like a fucking saint for the last 19 years. So, she is also it for me and if I lose her in any manner (which I have to because I promised to outlive her), I will eagerly switch to a diet of strictly action figures, ice cream, and whiskey.

 

[Xavion2025]

I’m married 34 years, and I only remember my wife commenting ONCE on my collecting. It was on my birthday when I received DCUC 9 Black Canary, Green Arrow, and Wildcat in the mail. I was putting Chemo together and out of nowhere, she laughed and said “That has to be the most ridiculous looking action figure you’ve ever bought!”

She wasn’t wrong.

 

[Damien]

but there's probably something... not quite charming but probably "aw, adorable like a kid" about it for me, I dunno.

I've spoken to women I know about this and the answer is kind of what Rick was alluding to; a woman can look at a hobby like this and think of all the things you COULD be doing with your time and money. "Is my man going to the strippers, drinking all night with the guys and maybe banging some chick in the bathroom? Nope. My man is sitting on the living room floor opening his new little guys with swords.' There's a sort of comfort there. At least for some women, to my understanding.

Brother, we gotta get you a new job.

I wish.
To be fair, I'm about as high as you can climb in my industry and I have quite a lot of perks. The downside is that I run it all and we're not positioned to have another me to take over when I need time off. So it's hard for me to complain about my job because 85% of the people in my industry would love to be where I am.
To be fair, that's also because they don't know how much it can suck.

she laughed and said “That has to be the most ridiculous looking action figure you’ve ever bought!”

Smart lady.
Did you point out he also has a borderline offensive name, too? He's the whole package.

 

[Ru1977]

I've spoken to women I know about this and the answer is kind of what Rick was alluding to; a woman can look at a hobby like this and think of all the things you COULD be doing with your time and money. "Is my man going to the strippers, drinking all night with the guys and maybe banging some chick in the bathroom? Nope. My man is sitting on the living room floor opening his new little guys with swords.' There's a sort of comfort there. At least for some women, to my understanding.

True, very true. My wife has four brothers who are all trouble makers in various ways, and my addiction is pretty damned mild in comparison to what they all have going on. So I guess it's not crazy she went for the ridiculous yet introverted nerd. I'm kinda the opposite of her brothers in most ways but manage to get along with them most of the time heh. But yeah, she knows I'd rather come right home and get into PJs than wander around town looking for strange or what have you.