You Ever Get Tired of This?

[cmoney]

You gents all sound very lucky. Good for you. I think I've shamed myself too much about this hobby for the last couple decades to where it has made me incapable of believing anyone could feel anything but contempt for me once they found out about it.

 

[Damien]

But yeah, she knows I'd rather come right home and get into PJs than wander around town looking for strange or what have you.

Why would you stay dressed to run around looking for strange when you can get into your PJs and know for a fact there's all kinds of strange waiting for you right here on Articulated Thoughts.

Articulated Thoughts: It's so fucking strange.

You gents all sound very lucky. Good for you. I think I've shamed myself too much about this hobby for the last couple decades to where it has made me incapable of believing anyone could feel anything but contempt for me once they found out about it.

You gotta snap outta that shit. Of all the women I've known fairly well (friends, friends' girlfriends, girlfriends, family), I would say the vast, vast majority of them fall either into the category of 'nerd girl' or 'alt girl that likes nerds.' There's so many good women out there that'll at WORST just be ambivalent about your nerdy hobbies, and many that will embrace them. Just be authentically you. The rest'll take care of itself.

 

[cmoney]

I don't think I've ever met a woman collector in my life. Aside from a couple childhood friends, Ive never even met a male one that I can think of.

 

[Ru1977]

Why would you stay dressed to run around looking for strange when you can get into your PJs and know for a fact there's all kinds of strange waiting for you right here on Articulated Thoughts.

That's a good point. Why would I ever seek anything else out?!

I don't think I've ever met a woman collector in my life. Aside from a couple childhood friends, Ive never even met a male one that I can think of.

I've known a few but usually they either only dabbled or were highly focused. I knew one who ONLY collected X-Files stuff, and another who was into comics but any nerd stuff she collected beyond that was Neil Gaimen merch. Statues etc. My high school ex was also into him, but specifically Death, as well as McFarlane's Angela and Tiffany etc when those toys started up. One of my wife's best friends collects Barbies, but not the way I would collect them but like sensibly with them spaced out in a tasteful case on the wall, still packaged. She also collects lego sets of sitcom rooms like Seinfeld and Friends.

 

[Damien]

I don't think I've ever met a woman collector in my life. Aside from a couple childhood friends, Ive never even met a male one that I can think of.

Obviously, it's going to depend a little bit on the kind of circles you travel in. The more creative/alt groups definitely lean more that way than like... the guys you play fantasy football with. At the same time, I've also noticed that a lot of times it's that no one is brave enough to be the person that says it. Just like yourself, lots of toy collectors/nerds aren't super open about their hobbies. You could be standing next to another collector and never know it unless -someone- brings it up.

True story: I knew my wife for almost a year before I knew she was a collector. We worked together. Talked on our breaks and before/after work all the time bout sci-fi shows and music and whatever. I don't think either of us was 'hiding' being collectors. It just never came up. And I think we're all conditioned to just assume no one else around us is in the hobby, which makes us even less likely to bring it up, even if we're not necessarily 'ashamed' or anything like that.
Like.. I'm VERY not ashamed of being a HEMA practitioner. But statistically, almost no one else in my entire province is. So why would I randomly start talking about it?

Anyway... one day my wife, who does not drive, hit up a comic/toy store before coming to work. Can't leave stuff on the bus. No car to put it in. So she shows up to work with a fucking BOX of DST Stargate action figures. That's when I knew she collected. She knew I collected about 20 seconds later when I asked if she was going to open them and, when she equivocated, gave her several reasons why the best and only correct course is to open them and see if they're worth playing with or just static-posed junk.
We have been in love ever since. More than 17 years now.

 

[d2bruce]

You gents all sound very lucky. Good for you. I think I've shamed myself too much about this hobby for the last couple decades to where it has made me incapable of believing anyone could feel anything but contempt for me once they found out about it.

Just be you. My wife and I have been together for 24+ years. She saw the comics, the HotWheels, the science fiction books before we got really serious. She is nerdy in her own ways and has always accepted my stuff as long as we have food on the table and the roof isn't leaking on said table.
Don't be shaming yourself. If you needed that, don't you think that we would be handling it here on AT?

 

[altcunningham]

You gents all sound very lucky. Good for you. I think I've shamed myself too much about this hobby for the last couple decades to where it has made me incapable of believing anyone could feel anything but contempt for me once they found out about it.

Nah, no one cares about the hobby.

Even my one example that I cited. She was cool with everything. I was a bartender who spent my days off doing high-end raids in Warcraft, and balanced my entire week around the Wednesday comic book run.

It was when only when she decided to go to grad school and better herself that all of a sudden I was also not adult enough. Or whatever weird idea of adult she had in her head. She tossed all my band t-shirts, told me to sell my figures and comics. And I was complicit I bought into this. Figured I was 25. Figured she would be my wife. Sure. Time for the picket fence. 2.5 kids and dog I guess.

Then all her stupid student peers wore Wolverine t-shirts with Tweed jackets and had Halo lan parties.

I think I mentioned it here but I ended up breaking up with her because she was also... You know physically abusive. She threw hands. She threw pots and pans. I never felt I could do anything about it because it's not a good look for the 6'3 airborne Army vet when the cops show up right? Who would believe me. And it never really clocked to me that her emotional state was 20 times worse than any other woman I ever dated.

Think she was bipolar or borderline in hindsight.

Anyway, when I eventually broke up with her I did have to go back and get some stuff. And I found out she replaced me with the most stereotypical gamer nerd you could think of, as she bragged about how good he was at Halo online. It was a weird play. I just wanted my stuff back.

So yeah I did have someone try to beat the kid out of me but even when I date people (and once married) who aren't nerds per se, no one ever really cared.

As was pointed out earlier they were happy that I was at home with them and not at a bar or doing drugs or hoeing around.

Sometimes they think it's cool. It is the average American woman's dream to have someone want them to go to Target five times a week instead of begging you to do it. Hell yeah let's go to Target and Walmart. Hell yeah let's go to the mall. It's toy time.

And I'm divorced with my marriage ended because she decided she was poly 8 years in. I am not. Can't really do anything about that.

The toys and comics and video games had nothing to do with it. Your person is going to be out there. Just be yourself. And be confident about that.

 

[docsilence]

I definitely got shamed out of it by one of the great heartbreaks of my life because, hilariously "you're too talented to be writing books about robots and dragons" (when it was books about superheroes that made me more successful than any "serious" project I ever worked on) but my college girlfriend once yelled at me for quitting comics because we walked around a comic shop in Providence one time and said "I have never actually seen you happy except today." I should've stuck with HER opinion except the reality TV star I dated afterward who shamed me back out of it. (Though I do keep in touch with the reality TV star ex, she grew the fuck up too, she ended up marrying an animation guy like two years ago.)

And then my current partner reverse-shamed me because I tried to hide my Star Wars miniatures collection and she was like "FOR FUCKS SAKE, I thought you were hiding a porn addiction and that closet is just full of Star Wars toys? PUT THEM OUT WHERE PEOPLE CAN SEE THEM YOU DORK."

Now we live together and her only complaint is if I leave too much D&D shit in the living room between games and she has no place to put her coffee in the morning.

 

[Damien]

I like to think AT and forums like it are really built around the idea of reverse-shaming each other into just enjoying the hobby and buying fun toys while the world collapses around us because who fucking actually cares just have a tiny bit of fun willyouplease.

 

[TheSameIdiot]

You gents all sound very lucky. Good for you. I think I've shamed myself too much about this hobby for the last couple decades to where it has made me incapable of believing anyone could feel anything but contempt for me once they found out about it.

Let me join the cacophony: don't.

I was in the same boat for years. In some ways, I still am. I'm embarrassed to buy toys in public or have people over.

Two friends of mine (both 30-something women) recently came to visit. They stayed over at my house for a few days. Leading up to their visit, I was sick to my stomach about giving them a tour of the house, culminating in my office, which is filled with toys. Their reaction to my office?

"Cool."

"Nice that you have a dedicated spot to work from home."

?????

Here I am, waiting to be ridiculed. Preparing a three-minute monologue about why I, a grown-ass man, have a room full of toys.

They didn't care at all. Maybe they thought it was peculiar, maybe they laughed later. Dollars to donuts, they didn't think about it at all.

I don't think I've ever met a woman collector in my life. Aside from a couple childhood friends, Ive never even met a male one that I can think of.

I haven't, either. Almost every woman in my life is extremely supportive, though.

 

[JakeEkiss]

I don't think I've ever met a woman collector in my life. Aside from a couple childhood friends, Ive never even met a male one that I can think of.

Trust, they're out there. All the women I've dated as an adult have been some sort of collector, and all of them at some point collected figures (usually imports, often of anime or Zelda). A friend of mine married a lady who was her own sort of collector and within a year he'd completely converted her to his obsessive Transformers love. Like OBSESSIVE. He already had the Bumblebee styled mustang (the actual car) and she got her own Decepticon version to match. They aren't having kids, so one room in their house is a Transformers toy museum. It's intense.

There are some NERDY people in the world. A lot of the time, they've had shame too. My oldest friend has done cosplay off and on for years, and when she was husband hunting (a completely different story) she briefly dated this dude who was just openly disdainful of her hobbies. And I kept talking with her and being like "why does he get to disrespect you this way?".

And that's the shift you gotta make. If someone judges you for enjoying stuff you enjoy, that's not you being immature, that's them being disrespectful. Who died and made them the judge of hobbies you get to spend your own money on?

And I think we're all conditioned to just assume no one else around us is in the hobby, which makes us even less likely to bring it up, even if we're not necessarily 'ashamed' or anything like that.

This is spot on. I've gotten more and more outgoing about it the older I get, and the more I talk about it the more friends I've picked up into the hobby. A fantastic win-win. A lot of folks just need a prompt to let their own nerd flags fly. Obviously YMMV, plenty of people aren't into the hobby, but anybody who cared enough to judge someone for it isn't worth hanging out with anyway.

I think I mentioned it here but I ended up breaking up with her because she was also... You know physically abusive. She threw hands. She threw pots and pans. I never felt I could do anything about it because it's not a good look for the 6'3 airborne Army vet when the cops show up right? Who would believe me. And it never really clocked to me that her emotional state was 20 times worse than any other woman I ever dated.

For real, glad you got out of that situation. That's fucked up.

 

[altcunningham]

Almost every woman I know at this point is a nerd. You just have to dial in what the hyper fixation is going to be.

And the ones that collect really outdo me. One of my best friends collects Barbie and monster high, because of me decided to get into Legends and Mafex. They love Catwoman so any company that makes a Catwoman. And then they're into gunpla. They don't watch it, they don't even know what Gundam or any of these other mechs are. They like snapping things together and throwing on decals and markers, though. And at some point Lego modulars entered the equation.

You would never know this because out in public they look like an accountant or banker. It's like that old sexy librarian stereotype except instead of pulling glasses off. She's pulling a Mafex Batman out of her purse because it's a good fidget toy.

Kind of like Damien has touched on, it's easy to assume that people don't do it because nobody talks about it. Even in this nerd Renaissance we have I think everyone still feels like it's taboo in meat space.

And that's why I say just be confident and authentic in what you like. If people aren't interested in it, they're not your people. You will become a gravity well for the people that are into it.

Trust. There are so many people just waiting for somebody to light that fuse.

And I've mentioned this in the Star Wars thread but another thing is just be cool and open. A lot of people, man, woman, young, old, are used to getting pushed back from squares or even our own nerds about their opinions on things like Batman or Star Wars. You want to be cool about topics, not a gatekeeper.

 

[JakeEkiss]

They don't watch it, they don't even know what Gundam or any of these other mechs are. They like snapping things together and throwing on decals and markers, though. And at some point Lego modulars entered the equation.

Gundam building is such a Zen way to kill an afternoon. If I cared a little less about knowing the lore I'd build a lot more Gundam. I only have a couple because I've only really watched three full Gundam series front to back.

And that's why I say just be confident and authentic in what you like. If people aren't interested in it, they're not your people. You will become a gravity well for the people that are into it.

And I've mentioned this in the Star Wars thread but another thing is just be cool and open. A lot of people, man, woman, young, old, are used to getting pushed back from squares or even our own nerds about their opinions on things like Batman or Star Wars. You want to be cool about topics, not a gatekeeper.

These are so true. When I was younger I was always in convention spaces where nerds are out and proud, but the back half of my 30s and now 40s have been learning how to be a noticeable nerd in the "normal" world. The benefits really have been wonderful on balance. I had one sort of weird experience with a cashier at Wal-Mart once, but even though he was being a prat, he was being a prat in a way only another collector could be. Even the dicks are technically part of the community.

 

[RichardSimmonsRobot]

...she was poly 8 years in...

Propylene or ethylene? Because as I learned from sticky McFarlane figures, propylene is a 20 year lifespan whereas ethylene is not!

In all seriousness, being paired up with anyone is like a 3 legged race. Who you get tied to is more important than whatever speed you plan to go or whatever other strategy you may have in mind.

"Everyone's got a plan 'til they get punthed in the fayth."

-Mike Tysthon

 

[d2bruce]

This thread has been a very uplifting experience. Thanks to all of you.
Don't give up.